TBAY/SHIP: SHIP-Speak (WAS Re: TBAY: OOP, Reverse FITD, and other theories )

[Cindy C.]

No: HPFGUIDX 58891

"**MAN OVERBOARD**!!!" 

Derannimer leaned dangerously over the railing of the Big Bang for a 
closer look.  "I can't see who it is, but -–" she raised her 
omnioculars and squinted into the smudged lenses, "but I see a weird 
combination of pink, raspberry and *gold!*  Oh, *yuck!*  It has to 
be *Mary Suzanne!*"

"Give me those things!"  Cindy snatched the omnioculars and peered 
in the direction of the small figure bobbing in the water.  "Toss 
that sailor a line and pull her in, Derannimer." 

"Uh, we seem to be a bit *low* on basic supplies like rope, 
Captain," Derannimer said in a tight voice.  "It seems *someone* has 
made off with the few remaining Galleons we needed for *necessities* 
and has been using them to get sloshed in George's Tav —-"

"Fine!  I'll handle it myself!"  Cindy leaned over the railing and 
extended her Big paddle toward the sailor in the life preserver and 
hauled her onto the deck.

"Name, rank and serial number, sailor!" Cindy demanded.

The sailor gulped the last swig of her bottle of rootbeer and tossed 
it lazily onto the deck at Cindy's feet.  "I'm Serena, and I'm new 
around these parts.  I like coming up with theories, sometimes 
controvesial theories. But instead of hanging around to defend them 
I toss them out for others to debate, usually fiercely, and just 
watch the carnage."

"Really?" Cindy said, intrigued.  "Well, this could get 
interesting.  Go on."

Serena nodded vigorously, her eyes flicking from side to side as she 
took in her surroundings and the pinched faces of the Big Bang crew 
gathered around her.

"Yup, I got a million of 'em.  For instance, the reason Harry is 
upset about Ron being Keeper on the Gryffindor team is that Harry 
gets kicked off the team and now is jealous of Ron."

"Hmmmm," Cindy said, interested.  "I dunno.  That might be a bit of 
a stretch.  To the extent Ron has ever been successful at something 
in Harry's presence, I don't recall Harry every showing signs of 
jealousy.  Like during the chess match in PS/SS.  I think it is more 
likely that Ron is the Keeper and Ron isn't as good as Oliver Wood, 
and Harry is irritated at Ron for that reason.  That would create a 
lot of tension, don't you think?"  

Cindy began pacing back and forth across the deck, deep in 
thought.  "And besides, the books often show Ron being less than 
competent at various bits of magic, so having Ron be worse at 
Quidditch would fit that pattern.  Ron can't throw off the Imperius 
Curse, for instance.  Ron can't turn Scabbers yellow.  Ron can't 
banish his cushion."

Cindy stopped abruptly, her hands on her hips.  "What else do you 
have?" she challenged.

Serena paused, a look of intense concentration on her face.  "Murp 
kurda se ick ick slurk," she said in a clear, distinct 
voice.  "Mugfin alost a me FITD."

"What the-—" 

A breathless Derannimer pushed her way forward from the watching 
crowd, her face flush with excitement.  "Captain, as the director of 
the Big Bang Shipping Wing, perhaps I can help.  I'm fluent in SHIP-
speak."

"You're fluent in *what?*" 

"I know SHIP-speak," Derannimer repeated.  "Shippers speak a totally 
different language, Captain.  They are not like our kind.  We can co-
exist in peace and harmony here in the Bay, each seeking shelter 
under our very own prefix, if we each respect the strange and 
peculiar ways of the other.  It was not always that way -– back in 
the Great Shipping Wars long ago, many battles were fought and the 
casualties for both sides were very high.  But modern theorists 
understand the value of diversity of canon approach -- of mutual 
understanding and respect -- and it is now possible for theorists to 
SHIP as well as FILK or TBAY, sometimes in the very same post!"

She took a halting step toward Serena.  "I think I understood what 
Serena here just said.  I believe it was 'Reverse FITD. Ron likes 
Hermione, Hermione likes Ron. Harry likes Hermione. Ron and Hermione 
get together, and Harry feels like a third wheel, alienating him 
from the trio. Because of this, Harry is weak and can't defeat 
Voldemort until he reconciles with them.'"  Derannimer beamed with 
satisfaction at her own cleverness.

"Uh huh," Cindy said blankly.  "And, uh . . .  what's our answer to 
that, Derannimer?"

Derannimer paused, deep in thought, eyeing Serena closely.  "Well, 
it's interesting.  I'd like to give it more thought.  But I can tell 
that it is not Classic FITD, at least, as we understand it in our 
world.  In Classic FITD, the love is always -– *always* -– 
unrequited.  Serena contemplates Ron and Hermione actually getting 
together.  But it is certainly worth discussing.  I may have to 
retire to the Shipping Ballroom for a bit of peace and quiet so I 
can analyze this theory."

"Uh, you'll take Serena with you and, er, show her around the 
place," Cindy said hopefully.

"Oh, absolutely!" Derannimer replied, tossing one arm around 
Serena's shoulders.  "Serena here could use a dry uniform.  Besides, 
her accent is perfect, and it's been a while since I had a chance to 
brush up on my SHIP-speak."  She steered Serena gently in the 
direction of the Shipping Wing in the bowels of the destroyer.  "I 
think we'll get along just fine," Derannimer said with a wink.

****************

Cindy