Dumbledore, Leader of Men (and Women) (was: Chapter Discussions: Chapter 4)

[jwcpgh]

No: HPFGUIDX 84060

Gee.  Between you and Pippin, you've pretty much eviscerated poor 
Sirius, haven't you?

Well, no, actually.  Not for me, anyhow.  

A lot of the objections you raise have been ably addressed by 
Marianne and others.  I wanted to throw in a few additional thoughts.

Kneasy:
Oh, dear.
> Can we inject a bit of realism in here please?
> Just  what sort of surrogate parent would Sirius be?
> 
> He's spent 12 years in Azkaban and is a wanted criminal  on the 
run.
> He has no experience of dealing or coping with  children.
> He has no idea of their needs, emotional  or physical.
> He is rash, disruptive, argumentative, compulsive, naive and has 
totally unrealistic expectations of Harry.
> He is not to be trusted.

Laura responds:

Let's remember that there was never a possibility that Sirius and 
Harry would live together as father and son full time.  Harry was 
going to be at school most of the year, whatever else happened.  So 
I wasn't trying to suggest that that really could or would happen, 
just bringing up the godfather thing again.  I give it weight 
because the characters in canon seem to.  

Kneasy:
> Just because Harry has fantasies of leaving the Dursleys does not 
make Sirius an ideal replacement. Harry is not to be trusted either, 
especially when he knows almost nothing of the true situation. What 
makes you think that any of the powers that be would allow Harry and 
Sirius to make their own arrangements (after the Shrieking Shack)? 

Laura responds: 

Ther are no ideal parental replacements, my friend.  Sirius could at 
least give Harry his undivided attention.  And yes, I think that 
would be just fine.  To my mind, Sirius has never once suggested 
that Harry do anything that would put him at risk.  Sirius may be 
careless about himself but he's just the opposite about Harry.  
Who knows what would have happened if Peter hadn't escaped?  Fudge's 
best skill is covering his backside; if he thought that public 
opinion would condemn the MoM for what it did to Sirius, he'd have 
sirius pardoned on all charges faster than you can say Dumbledore 
for Minister".  

Kneasy:
<snip> 
> He is Harry's Achilles heel; Harry can be got at through Sirius. 

Laura responds:
That has no bearing on what kind of guardian Sirius would have 
been.  If Harry's parents had been alive and Harry were in the same 
position (I know, it turns the plot upside down but bear with me-
it's a hypothetical), would you advocate taking Harry away from them 
because they are the people he cares most about?

Kneasy:
 Sirius is not interested in joining forces, only in being
> sole mentor. Molly's parenting experience tells her that Sirius 
would be a disaster waiting to happen. Sirius would soon be 
manipulating Harry emotionally into being his (Sirius') surrogate. 
Harry would be dead in three weeks.

Laura responds:

I don't know where you get the idea that Sirius is incapable of 
working with other people.  Canon doesn't support it-he works just 
fine with everyone else in the Order except Snape.  Molly's 
parenting experience isn't relevant-she shouldn't be the one making 
the decision.  Do the wishes of Harry's parents count for nothing?  
Nor do I see any proof that Sirius tried to manipulate Harry 
emotionally.  He acknowledged that he was unhappy in GP-like that 
was a big surprise.  So what?  It didn't make Harry encourage him to 
leave or argue with DD.  No, I think these two were a lot more 
willing to put themselves at risk for the sake of the other than to 
allow the other to risk himself.  That's not manipulation-it's 
love.  


Pippin said:
We have Dumbledore's assessment: "you were coming to
regard Sirius as a mixture of father and brother."

In real life, that's a recipe for disaster. There are all sorts of
workable parenting styles, from strict to permissive, but no
parent can succeed if there is any confusion about just who is
the parent and who is the child.

Harry keeps having to parent Sirius, trying to keep him from
coming back to Britain in GoF, getting between Sirius and Snape
when they quarrel in OOP, swearing not to use the gift because
he doesn't want Sirius to do anything foolish.

And Sirius *is* rash even in GoF: using showy non-native birds
to send messages to Harry, rushing back to Britain with no clear
idea of what he'll do when he gets there, breaking into a house
to use the fireplace (as we learn in OOP, there are alternatives),
letting himself be seen as a dog in Hogsmeade though, as OOP
makes clear, Peter could have outed him at any time, starving
himself to the point where he'll eat rats.

Molly has trouble letting go and respecting the boundaries of her
adult children. It's telling that all three of her grown sons found
ways to distance themselves from the Burrow. But Sirius had
trouble letting go of his own child self, and he could never have
been a successful parent as long as he wanted to treat Harry as
a pal.

Laura responds:

I don't see any canon for the assumption that Sirius treats Harry 
like an equal.  We have Molly and Hermione's opinions on it but 
they're not definitive of anything.  They have their own prejudices 
and goals too, after all.  Hermione is accurate enough in her 
assessment of other girls' motivations, but she doesn't understand 
boys well at all.  And Molly doesn't do much better, although she 
should, given her experience raising them.

Harry may have felt that Sirius was a mix of father and brother-that 
doesn't mean Sirius felt the same about him.  As for his taking care 
of Sirius, by age 15 any responsible kid does that now and again.  
When the parent is ill or busy, the kid should volunteer to step in 
and help.  Kids by this age have begun to perceive that their 
parents are people with feelings, frailties and failings (wow-maybe 
I should start writing greeting cards!)and will begin to do things 
to mitigate those things.  At least that's what I've experienced.  

You see Sirius's behavior in GoF as reckless.  I don't.  What was he 
supposed to do, keep laying on the beach and sending postcards?  He 
knew Harry was in danger, knew what the headaches meant, knew that 
suspicious things were happening.  He tried to fulfill his duties as 
godfather the best way he could.  Given his situation, that forced 
him to take risks.  I'm not sure how he could have managed to be in 
touch with Harry any other way.  

A lot of parents enter their parenting time with unresolved problems 
from childhood, and that doesn't doom them to being incompetent or 
inadequate parents.  If Sirius had been able to have the adult 
responsibility he sought, it would, imo, have been a healing and 
maturing experience for him.  Everyone in OoP except Harry and Remus 
treated Sirius like a 4 year old who couldn't be trusted around the 
antique crystal, and then they wondered why he was irritable.  Maybe 
they should have tried treating him like a grownup and given him 
some real responsibility-at least for Harry.  For 12 years his 
enemies kept him from fulfilling his promise to his best friends.  
And then when he finally gets into a position to meet his 
obligation, his friends step in and prevent him from doing it. Nice-
very nice.