TBAY: Bill Weasley is Ever So Evil parts 1 & 2

Wed Nov 26 20:27:56 UTC 2003

No: HPFGUIDX 85922

Erin and Captain Jenny were being ushered into the Safe House kitchen 
by Sneaky the the House-Elf.  Erin was a bit nervous. She'd already 
stated that she thought her new ESE! Bill theory deserved a room in 
the Safe House, but she hadn't actually gotten around to mentioning 
it to any of the inhabitants of said house yet.

"Say, this place is posh!" remarked Jenny, glancing around 
admiringly.  

Erin didn't answer. Seated at the table, sipping from a cup of red 
liquid, was a dark-haired woman wearing a cape and dark glasses.
Pippin, stuff of legends and staunch defender of ESE!Lupin!  Was this 
a trap?  Could it really have been less than three hours ago that 
Erin had mentally declared herself an implacable enemy of this 
woman?  Could Pippin read minds?  Surely there was some way they 
could work things out! 
But Pippin showed no sign of wanting to rip out Erin's throat on the 
spot.

"Good morning! and welcome," said she. "Just tell Sneaky
here what you'd like."

Erin tremblingly places her order and watches Jenny do the same, 
wondering why Sneaky giggles ever so slightly when Jenny's order 
turns out to be Eggs Benedict. Fear is clouding Erin's thought 
processes, but when she finally gets it, she nearly laughs aloud.  Of 
course, Eggs Benedict *would* be a specialty of the Safe House.

Seeming to feel that she has at reached an impartial witness, Jenny 
begins to repeat the objection to Erin's BB GUN theory which she had 
just voiced back at the Royal George.

"If Bill is evil, why didn't he tell Voldemort that only
 Voldemort or Harry could retrieve the prophecy?

 "Dumbledore told Harry that *we*, not *he*, had known all
along what Voldemort didn't learn of until Rookwood informed
him, meaning that the Order, not just Dumbledore, knew this."

As Jenny finishes, Pippin turns to look at Erin.  Although she hides 
them behind the dark glasses, Erin can sense that her eyes are cold 
and empty and make you think of dark tunnels.  With this chilling 
gaze upon her, Erin can't even begin to think about how Abigail had 
dealt with the Jenny's question, and has to stammer out that she is 
stumped.  Now, she thought, now Pippin will eviscerate my theory.

But to her very great surprise, Pippin smiles and commences to 
explain that the Rookwood scene had been staged!  Erin is shocked.  
Why is Pippin helping her?

Then she realizes; Jenny's question shed doubt upon not just BB GUN, 
but upon *all* ESE spy in the Order theories, including ESE!
McGonagall and... ESE!Lupin.  Pippin was not defending Erin's theory, 
she was defending her own!

And, with that realization, the parting words of a small, dapper man 
with an elegantly waxed mustache return to her.

"One must endeavor to keep an open mind, Madame. There are many 
hedgehogs in the forest."

"You!" Erin says, pointing a finger at Pippin, "You sent Hercule 
Poirot to me in the forest!"

Pippin smiles and nods, acknowledging the truth of this 
statement.  "I admit that we share a... working relationship.  But do 
you, Erin, remember what it was that he told you there?  For if you 
had thought to use the information he gave you, you would not have 
needed the answers Abigail and I have provided this past hour.

Erin's mouth drops open.  "He- he said- -" she stammers weakly.

"Yes?" Pippin prompts 

"He said that there already was canonical proof of a traitor in the 
Order.  The Case of the Unfortunate Fate of Sturgis Podmore, he 
called it.  Podmore, a member of the Order of the Phoenix, got busted 
trying to break through a high security door in the Ministry.  And 
Voldemort was happy about it.  By itself, that doesn't make sense.  
Why would Podmore try to break into the Department of Mysteries 
unless he was a Voldemort spy? But if he was a Voldemort spy, why 
would Voldemort be happy that he got caught and sentenced to Azkaban?"

"He's not a Voldemort spy, because LV was happy that he got caught. 
LV was happy because Podmore worked for Dumbledore.  But how did LV 
know that Podmore worked for DD?  Not even the ministry could prove 
that.  A spy from the Order must have told him."

"Very good," says Pippin, but before she can continue, Oliver and 
Abigail walk into the room.  A small owl sits on the shoulder of 
Abigail's many-pocketed overcoat.  

"There you are, Erin," says Abigail. "Right after you and Jenny 
disappeared, this owl turned up with a letter addressed to you. I 
figured this was where we'd find you.  

"And," says Oliver, clutching his BB GUN as he watches Pippin 
closely, "We wanted to make certain you were all right."  The PARTY 
LINE badge on his otherwise unadorned black cloak chooses that moment 
to gleam brightly.

"My first Theory Bay owl," says Erin happily.  "Give it here, then".  
She detaches the letter from the owl's tiny foot and begins to read 
silently.  As she reads, her faces starts to glow.

"This letter is from Carolina/Silmariel, who writes that while she 
doesn't have time to journey all the way to Theory Bay, she's been 
enjoying hearing about my theory." reads Erin, blushing to the roots 
of her red hair.  "But she wants to know why Charlie doesn't have a 
larger role in it. Charlie was a good Quidditch player who could have 
stayed in UK but basically he put hundreds of miles between him and 
his family. She thinks that maybe Charlie was starting to notice 
things about Bill that he didn't want to have to think about too 
deeply.  And she says that if I'm going to give every other Weasley 
child a role in my theory, she wants to make sure Charlie has one as 
well."

"You know, I think Carolina/Silmariel is on to something here.  
Because not only could Charlie have stayed and played Quidditch, but 
doesn't Ron tell Harry in the first book that there are wild dragons 
in England?  So why *would* Charlie want to go off to Romania?  This 
calls for Yet More Characterization!"

There is a collective groan from her audience, and Erin sighs, "Okay, 
okay, I get the message.  I'll save it for the third part of my 
theory, 'Possible Plotlines for ESE!Bill', which I expect to be done 
with by this weekend."  She continues reading the letter silently for 
a few seconds, and then...

"Oh, Oliver!" she bursts out.  "We've been anagrammed!  Listen to 
this: Carolina/Silmariel has found this inspiring anagram for us:  
Bill Weasley/ will slay bee."

"Will slay bee!" Erin screams joyfully.  "Do you realize what this 
means?  Do you know who- "

"Yes, yes, Erin, we all know that Dumbledore is the old English name 
for bumblebee," Abigail interrupts testily. "But I don't know if you 
should embrace this anagram so quickly.  Have you considered the full 
implications of it?"

Erin sobered suddenly. "It means Dumbledore really will have to die." 
she says sadly. "But, Abigail, this is a way that makes sense to me.  
I've been wondering for a while now if JKR even planned to kill 
Dumbledore off at all.  There was this interview, see, where someone 
asked her, well here's the quote;

*************************************************************
Q: Is Voldemort some sort of relative of Harry's? Possibly his 
mother's brother?

A: I'm laughing...that would be a bit Star Wars, wouldn't it?

http://www.the-leaky-cauldron.org/quickquotes/articles/2000/1000-
scholastic-chat.htm
**************************************************************

"Did you see that answer?  'A bit Star Wars!'  You know what else 
would be a bit Star Wars, Abigail? If Harry's mentor, Dumbledore, 
were to go down in a duel with Voldemort.  It would just be sloppy 
writing, really it would.  But the good side's greatest warrior 
knifed in the back by a traitor from his own side?  Well, that would 
definitely fit with the JKR's theme of death being senseless."

"I have a question," says Oliver. " Would DD actually have to be -er- 
knifed in the back physically by Bill?  Or AK'd, or whatever?"

"No," Erin answers.  "If Bill provides information that leads 
directly to DD's death at someone else's hands, I will consider him 
just as responsible, and the anagram just as true."

"All right, then," says Oliver. "I'm still with you. Evil!Bill to the 
end."

"Evil!Bill who kills Dumbledore, and-" Erin is amending, when 
suddenly a flash of bright green light slices over her shoulder, 
missing her by inches.  Erin, Jenny and Abigail scream.   

A tall man in black with long red hair tied back behind him and an 
upraised wand stands before them.  "You have irked me far too often 
this day.  Spilling my secrets, trying pyschoanalyze me, and now 
revealing my Ever So Evil plan to off Dumbledore.  You must be 
silenced!  Avad- "

"Quickly!  Into the control room!  It can only be accessed by 
Portkey!" yells Pippin.  The five of them race through the halls 
until they reach the control room, where Sneaky the House-Elf is 
already cowering.  

"We wizard-proofed this place a long time ago," explains Pippin, 
gesturing at all the rows of buttons, levers, and 
videoscreens. "There's no telling how much harm Stoned!Harry could do 
if he were able to enter.  Now, you two," she says, turning to Erin 
and Oliver, "you do realize what you've done?"

"It's Ever So Evil Bill," whispers Oliver miserably. "Our belief has 
embodied him. Oh Erin, what are we going to do?"

----Erin

Main posts referenced in this post:

ESE!Bill parts 1 and 2:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/85610

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/85729

ESE!Lupin:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/39362