FF: Flight of (the) Fancy 3; Sirius's Death-Journal cont'd

[msbeadsley]

No: HPFGUIDX 80372

Sirius Black, death-journal entry dated deathday plus three:

I have never felt so peaceful in my...right...well, that does make 
sense, doesn't it?  There was never much peace in my life.

Looking back, it seems as if I knew.  Part of me did, anyway.  What 
are the chances, that the man who is godfather to the boy the evilest 
man in the world wants dead, is going to survive?  And now that I 
feel whole...well, unembodied, but with no fractures or broken 
parts...I can see how broken I was before.  Even before Azkaban, I 
wasn't *happy*.  Another reason the dementors couldn't suck me dry, I 
suppose.  I was always inclined to just follow my nose, wherever it 
led me.  No impulse control at all.

If I had been cleared of the charges, I'd have spent every second 
with Harry.  With Voldemort back, I'd have made Dumbledore let me sit 
under Harry's desk like one of those service dogs.  I'd have tried, 
anyway.  Though it might have been fun to follow Harry back to the 
Dursleys.  Even if I'd had to be an outside dog and sleep in the 
garden.  I can't imagine it would have been worse than living in a 
cave and eating rats.  Chasing Dudley up a tree would be so very 
satisfying.  (Yes, Sirius, that would have been very useful.)  Of 
course, Harry's protected there already, but he can't stay in the 
house all the time.  I certainly know how that feels.  Poor Harry.  I 
can only hope he'll get some relief, of some kind or other, this 
summer.

This now, it's like the time I spent in the tropics.  Nothing much to 
do, nothing much to worry about.  The scenery was brighter, though.  
Wait, did I see something?  I was imagining one of those brightly 
colored birds down there that I used to send Harry letters and--yes, 
I did see something.  As if my imagination charmed it into being.  A 
flash of color, seen as if through the foliage--there it is again.  I 
will have to keep working on this.  Perhaps there is magic on this 
side of the veil as well; perhaps there are things I can do, here.

I wonder if I could affect events on the other side of the veil.  Is 
there any way to get back?  And now here I go again, coherent thought 
fading...

S.B.

[Sandy, aka msbeadsley]