FF: Flight of (the) Fancy 4; Sirius's Death-Journal cont'd

[msbeadsley]

No: HPFGUIDX 80640

Sirius Black, death-journal entry dated deathday plus four

Here I am again.  Still.  There was something...something about the 
veil.  A voice close by, as if I'd accidently fallen asleep in one of 
those old, deep wing-backed chairs only to be awakened by a woman's 
voice next to my ear.  And it said...it said, "You can't go back, if 
you try--"  And that's all it said.  But there was music, too, 
playing as the voice spoke to me.  Was it one of those old Stubby 
Boardman songs, that one about the green-eyed little girl?  The one 
who turned out to have magic and grew up and found love only to die 
and leave a child behind?  Wait a minute.  That's Lily's *life*.  But 
that can't be right.  Stubby never wrote a song about Lily.  Did he?  
No, of course not, that's ridiculous.  How can I remember a song* 
that never existed?  I can even hear the base line: da-da-da, da-da-
da-da-da...

It has to be connected with the magic I thought must exist here.  If 
I can manifest images, like the flash I caught of that brightly 
colored bird, then there must be sound--, and maybe the other senses, 
too.  Ah--no, was that *Lily's* voice I heard telling me I can't go--
*there's* that base line again!  Lily?  Are you here?  Is James with 
you?  Do you know how sorry I am?

Are you there?  I can still hear the music, faintly.  What were you 
trying to tell me?  "You can't go back."  Well, I suspected that.  
But there was more, "if you try--"  What, if you try to go back?  I 
already have tried, and...well, that was a little like dying all over 
again, consciousness fading.  Is that what you were trying to tell me?

So, if there's magic here, and it can't reach back behind the veil, 
what's it for?  Amusement value?  Spirit therapy?  Penance?  Bugger 
that.  All I want is out of here.  There *has* to be a way.  Where is 
this side of that bloody veil...the music is going...so am I...

 S.B.

 [Sandy, aka msbeadsley]
 *Post # 80403, FILK: Green-Eyed Lily