Crap, Crabbe (filk)

[Susan Miller]

No: HPFGUIDX 81713

Caius Marcius wrote:
> Vincent Crabbe in his first solo! 
> 
> He's My Goyle
> 

THE SCENE: Slytherin Commons. Vincent Crabbe has just finished 
singing his tribute to his buddy Gregory Goyle (He's My Goyle, post 
#80050)

Gregory Goyle, overwhelmed with emotion, begins a return tribute, and 
the two finish as a sappy duet.

Crap, Crabbe

To the tune of Dammit, Janet from Rocky Horror

Hear a MIDI at:

http://www.hamienet.com/11995.mid

Goyle: 
Hey, Crabbe 

Crabbe: 
Yes, Goyle? 

Goyle: 
I've got something to say 

Crabbe: 
Uh huh? 

Goyle: 
I really love the...skillful way 
You beat the other boys 
To pound Potter today 

Crabbe 
Oh...oh, Goyle 

Goyle:
Instead of an ear, you've a flap, Crabbe
When you sit down, you can't see your lap, Crabbe
You can't find your butt with a map, Crabbe
I've one thing to say, and that's 

Crap, Crabbe, I love you ...

They should auction your body for scrap, Crabbe
Where your brain should be there's just a gap, Crabbe
You're as fun as an outbreak of clap, Crabbe
I've one thing to say, and that's 

Crap, Crabbe, I love you ...

The late bludger hit you gave Potter 
Was a sneaky but beautiful low blow 
We used Longbottom's head for a blotter 
Oh G-R-E-G-G, I love you so 

Crabbe: 
In the Umbridge Squad Inquisitorial, oh, Goyle
I'm certain that you and Malfoy'll, oh, Goyle 
Not play according to Hoyle, oh, Goyle 
I've one thing to say, and that's 
Goyle, I'm roiled for you too 
Oh, Goyle 

Goyle: 
Oh ... crap! 

Crabbe: 
I'm roiled 

Goyle: 
Oh, Crabbe!

Crabbe: 
For you 

Goyle: 
I love you too 

Both: 
There's one thing left to do, ah-hoo 

Goyle: 
On the seventh floor, set up a trap, Crabbe
And see if Potter will land in our lap, Crabbe
And then smash a skull or kneecap, Crabbe
Now I've one thing to say, and that's 

Crap, Crabbe, I love you ...

Crap, Crabbe 

Crabbe: 
Oh Goyle, I'm roiled 

Goyle: 
Crap, Crabbe 

Both: 
I love you 


~ Constance Vigilance