FILKS: Dudley's Mum & Never Mind the Nasty Letters

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 96360

Further installments from my PS/SS musical, HMS Dumbledore

Dudley's Mum & Never Mind the Nasty Letters (PS/SS, Chap 2-4)

To the tune of Fair Moon  & Never Mind the Why and Wherefore from 
Gilbert & Sullivan's H.M.S. Pinafore 

MIDIs and text at:

http://diamond.boisestate.edu/gas/pinafore/web_opera/pn13.html

http://diamond.boisestate.edu/gas/pinafore/web_opera/pn16.html 

Dedicated to Gail B. 

The Scene: 4 Privet Drive. Harry laments his deprived and unhappy 
life with the Dursleys

HARRY:
Dudley's Mum and Dad bring
Gifts more than 37
But me, I woeful sing, 
I'm in a fix at age eleven
Ah me, I woeful sing,
I'm in a fix at age eleven

I have lived hitherto
Underneath a stairwell
No hope for me in view 
It's really awful and it's sheer hell

And now my dreadful uncle cries
With Potter he must be more stricter
His thought is to criminalize 
Discussions with constrictors!

I think to leave this place
Would be the utmost heaven
Unless I'm granted grace
I'm in a fix at age eleven
I think to leave this place
Would be the utmost heaven
..


(THE SCENE: As before: VERNON & PETUNIA are nonplussed by Hogwarts' 
relentless efforts to get stationary into HARRY's hand)

VERNON: 
Never mind the nasty letters
Aid he'll not get from abettors
All their craft I'll be defying
To help stamp out that nonsense
Even though they're basely spying 
We shall mount a stout defense 

PETUNIA: Move the boy out of the cupboard
Move into the spare bedroom

DUDLEY: Even tho' I loudly blubbered
Mum and Dad just let me fume

HARRY: There's a letter here for Potter

VERNON & PETUNIA: There's no letters here for Potter 

DUDLEY: There's more letters here for Potter

VERNON & PETUNIA: Keep from him letters to Potter 

VERNON & PETUNIA 
Slide the deadbolt in position
Pound the nail with fruitcake
We'll observe strict prohibition
Against all green ink intake

VERNON
Let us flee these wicked letters
For they burst through all our fetters
Pack your things and do not fight me
Everyone get in the car!
And we have to say to Dudley 
You can't take your VCR

HARRY & DUDLEY
Dine upon the tinned tomatoes 
Surely Vernon's/Father's gone insane
Can't we find some way to veto
His mad race through driving rain?

HARRY: There's more letters here for Potter

DUDLEY: Who would send letters to Potter?

VERNON: We must flee letters for Potter 

PETUNIA: He'll not read letters to Potter 

QUARTET
We withdraw into a cabin
On a rock way out at sea
We'll/They'll not even let a crab in
To disturb our privacy

HARRY
Never mind their fear and terror
They have surely made an error
On my birthday there's a knocking
And a smashing of the door
And though the man looks rather shocking 
He says he's seen me before!

HAGRID
Vernon, you great prune, please shut up
For the journey's not been fun
Pray provide for me a teacup
As I tie in knots your gun

HAGRID: I've a letter here for Potter—
VERNON: Give no letter her to Potter!
HAGRID: You can't halt letters for Potter
HARRY: At long last, letter for Potter

I am now finally reading
What they tried hard to abort
With a list of things I'm needing
Once they send me off to Hogwarts

ALL
Tale hid at last is told
In a wizard school enrolled
Wizard, come of out of the cold
Now the time to step out bold!

   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm