FILK: The Ballad of Sevi Snape

[antoshachekhonte]

No: HPFGUIDX 119994


The Ballad of Sevi Snape
To be sung to the tune of "The Ballad of Sweeney Todd"

Attend the tale of Sevi Snape
His skin was pale, and his mind opaque.
He taught the children of wizard-kind
How to brew potions or block others' minds.
He played a role that few would take,
Did Sevi Snape,
The Potions Master of Hogwarts.

He ran his classes underground.
For fear and loathing they were renowned.
And what if students all passed their OWLs?
He always judged progress by volume of howls,
Did Sevi, 
Did Sevi Snape,
The Potions Master of Hogwarts.

Hate those Potter boys, Sevi!
Mutter something snide!
Make them pay--they'll rue the day they pricked your pride....

He plays the villain like no one can:
The lank dark hair and the ashen tan.
In every book he's a herring red,
Suspicions against him are best left unsaid 
'Gainst Sevi,
'Gainst Sevi Snape
The Potions Master of Hogwarts.

Unmistakable, Sevi was,
Sharp and bitter and tart, he was.
Back of his smile, under his hat,
Sevi took points at the drop of a bat.
Sevi muttered, and Sevi brewed,
Like decoction of slugs, he stewed.
Sevi was swift, Sevi was subtle
Sevi would blink, and students would scuttle.
Sevi, Sevi, Sevi, Sevi, Sevi!

Attend the tale of Sevi Snape.
His teaching style was just short of rape.
A villain's noose or a hero's crown?
We won't ever know till the last book goes down
'Bout Sevi,
'Bout Sevi Snape
The Potions Master of Hogwarts.


Damn, that Sondheim guy's a witch when it comes to internal rhyme and syncopation. I 
give up! (Oh, and I hate calling Snape "Sevi"--but it worked here.)