FILK: Harry Potter, Buddy

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 90305

My H2$/HP musical is now complete! 

http://home.att.net/~coriolan/musical/howto.htm

Here's the final song:

Harry Potter, Buddy (OOP, Chap. 23)

To the tune of Cinderella, Darling from Frank Loesser's How to 
Succeed in Business Without Even Trying 

THE SCENE: HARRY, convinced that he is possessed by LORD VOLDEMORT, 
decides to leave the Wizarding World for good, lest he betray his 
friends to the Dark Lord. He is about to leave 12 Grimmauld Place in 
the guise of the archetypal runaway, with all his worldly possessions 
wrapped in a knapsack tied around the end of his Firebolt. Just as he 
is about to open the door, and abandon everything he has ever 
cherished, he is interrupted by a sardonic voice.

PHINEAS (spoken): I have a message for you from Albus Dumbledore.

HARRY (not turning from the door): What is it?

PHINEAS (spoken): Actually, it's a singing telegram.

(Enter SIRIUS, RON, GINNY & HERMIONE. Enter from the opposite 
direction, a CHORUS OF GRIMMAULD BOGGARTS. Throughout the song, HARRY 
faces toward the door, and away from his friends, refusing to face 
them or to speak till the end)

SIRIUS (music):
You've never faced a crisis that has ever seemed to be
Any harrier.

CHORUS OF BOGGARTS (in the guise of Dementors):
Horror to ya!

RON: 
For evil visions seem to prove
Somehow you've crossed the serpent/human barrier.

CHORUS OF BOGGARTS:
Horror to ya!

GINNY:
Why treat yourself like you are a Dark Lord carrier?
Why don't you ask a girl who once read from Tommy's diary,
By You-Know-Who possessed once.

CHORUS OF BOGGARTS:
Horror to ya!

HERMIONE:
Why does our Harry Potter want to act like a dunce?

ALL (except HERMIONE and HARRY):
Harry, please don't be a dunce!

HERMIONE:
Don't you realize, you're the ultimate Alpha male,
For Bildungsroman?
For the readers and our sake
Please, Harry, c'mom!

ALL (except HARRY):
C'mon! C'mon! C'mon!
Don't... Don't... Don't...
Harry Potter, buddy
Don't act like a dunce.

SIRIUS:
Don't drop from the story.
You're the legend, the filk star
Even if your dreams are gory.

ALL (except HARRY):
We rely on you, Harry,
Please do not pull stupid stunts
Camaraderie with Potter, we! 
Don't, Harry Potter,
Don't act like a dunce.

RON:
Oh, we have lived it with you,
Each volume and each page,
>From the Fiery Goblet


SIRIUS: To the Azkaban Pris'ner
GINNY: Secret Riddle Chamber
HERMIONE: Philosophical Stone
It's been Harry P. all the way

(Enter KREACHER, rudely interrupting the proceedings)

SIRIUS (angry): No! Old rouge elf!

SIRIUS & ENSEMBLE (except HERMIONE):
Old rouge elf, go away!

(As the ENSEMBLE continues to plead with HARRY, KREACHER withdraws 
and contemplates how to put to use his Master's command to a literal 
and useful purpose)

KREACHER – aside - (and ENSEMBLE) 
Oh, let me now be heinous (Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease)
My pretext may be spurious (Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease) 
No more can Black detain us (Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease)
I'm off to meet my Precious (Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease)
Tis you, my Narcissa, who'll refresh us (Oooooooooooooooooooooo)
So it is you I'm off to see (Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm)
And Lucius.

ALL (except HARRY):
Stone us!
But don't, don't...
Don't...Harry Potter, buddy
Don't act like a dunce.

SIRIUS:
No denial of your enchantment!
You're enabled,
And nimble
No more Boy-Who-Lived recant-ment!

ALL (except HARRY):
We rely on you, buddy
And we're pained by your affronts
Don't wind up like poor ol' Wormytail
Don't, Harry Potter, don't
Don't... Don't...
Don't, Harry Potter, don't,
Don't... Don't...
Don't, Harry Potter, don't!
Don't act like a dunce.

HARRY (spoken, turning to face everyone):
All right! I'll join you one more time.

CHORUS OF BOGGARTS (in the guise of Dementors):
Horrors to us!

(One by one, the CHORUS OF BOGGARTS explode as HARRY, smiling broadly 
in spite of himself, embraces his friends and allies. In the 
excitement and joy, no one observes KREACHER as he Apparates to the 
Malfoy Mansion)

  -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS
 http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm
(updated today with 46 new filks)