FILK: It’s Occlumency

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 89416

My latest musical nears completion  (just  "Cinderella, Darling" and 
a few reprises to go)

It's Occlumency (OOP, Chap, 24 & 26)

To the tune of It's Been a Long Day from Frank Loesser's How to 
Succeed in Business Without Even Trying 

Dedicated to Gail B.

THE SCENE: The Potions Dungeon. Skilled Legilimencan (Legilimencist?) 
ALBUS DUMBLEDORE decides to listen in on one of SNAPE'S Occlumency 
lessons with HARRY (Uncanonical, I know, but this song requires three 
voices). 

DUMBLEDORE (disembodied):
Well, here it is six p.m.
The dungeon I furtive approach.
And there they are both of them,
Young hacker Harry and his coach.

Both all-too-well acquainted.
Not very much rapport
So I can hear those two bitter foes
Waging a war.

Now, he's thinking:

SNAPE:
For this assignment I never begged.

DUMBLEDORE:
And he's thinking:

HARRY:
If only I could break both his legs.

DUMBLEDORE:
Now, he's saying:

SNAPE:
You have to call me "sir"

DUMBLEDORE:
And he's thinking:

HARRY:
My dreaming I prefer.

DUMBLEDORE:
And he says:

SNAPE:
I warned you...

DUMBLEDORE:
And he says:

HARRY:
What's that? *Sir* ?

SNAPE:
Well, it's Occlumency.

ALL:
Well, it's Occlumen,
Occlumen, Occlumen
Occlumency!

DUMBLEDORE:
Now, he's saying:

SNAPE:
The Dark Lord pokes around in your head

DUMBLEDORE:
And he's thinking:

HARRY:
Why is it Snape says minds can't be read?

DUMBLEDORE:
Now he's saying:

SNAPE:
You've got to clear your brain

DUMBLEDORE:
And he's saying:

HARRY:
Just how you won't explain!

DUMBLEDORE:
And he says:

SNAPE:
Legilimens!

DUMBLEDORE:
And he says:

HARRY (falling to his knees):
Aaaaargggghhhh!

SNAPE (spoken):
Manners!

HARRY:
Well, it's Occlumency!

ALL:
Well, it's Occlumen
Occlumen, Occlumen
Occlumency!

(HARRY abruptly slides back into his chronic corridor-dream)

HARRY (ecstatically):
Hey!
There's a sudden stunning vision I'm having
It's the D.O.M. door opening wide
And in this room with the black floors,
More doors, candles all blue,
At last inside,
Which one the first door to be tried? 

SNAPE (spoken, furious):
Explain yourself!

HARRY (spoken, lying):
I lied!

DUMBLEDORE:
Now he's saying:

SNAPE:
You simply are refusing to work!

DUMBLEDORE:
And he's saying:

HARRY:
You say "The Dark Lord," you DE jerk


DUMBLEDORE:
Now he's thinking:

SNAPE:
Why time waste on this dreck?

DUMBLEDORE:
And he's thinking:

HARRY:
My curse scar burns like heck

(Inconsolable screaming is heard from the entrance hall)

DUMBLEDORE:
And he says:

SNAPE:
What the - ?

DUMBLEDORE:
And he says:

HARRY: (spoken):
Who?

SNAPE: (spoken):
Where?

HARRY (spoken):
Why?

(In the Entrance Hall, SNAPE & HARRY discover Prof. Trelawney, 
wailing madly after being cashiered by a gloating UMBRIDGE. Enter 
DUMBLEDORE in corporeal form)

UMBRIDGE:
Well, it's Ms. Sibyll T!
Yes, it's miserable 
Ms. Sibyll, Ms. Sibyll
Ms. Sibyll T.!

HARRY, SNAPE & DUMBLEDORE
Yes, it's miserable 
Ms. Sibyll, Ms. Sibyll
Ms. Sibyll T.!
     
   -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm