Sirius revisited--emotional maturity (Very long)

[cubfanbudwoman]

No: HPFGUIDX 104660

Demetra:
> As any Mom will attest, each and every instance when your child is 
> hurt is like a knife through your heart.  So when I look at the 
> Pensieve scene, I put my son in Lupin's place and I can't see 
> Sirius as anything but an arrogant, self-centered jerk.  And when I 
> think of the Prank, I put my son in Snape's place (even though my 
> son probably has the kindest un-Snapelike heart you can imagine) or 
> Lupin's place and I can't fathom Sirius' casually shrugging off 
> what could have meant death for both Snape and Lupin.  

SSSusan:
Absolutely.  Mom of two little ones here, and this makes perfect 
sense.

I think you're right, too, that we were/are INTENDED to think of 
Sirius as one of the good guys.  And because there were good aspects 
to his character, I have continued to issue *tempered* or 
*qualified* "defenses" of him.  I think there were many good THINGS 
about him, but the recent spate of posts pointing out his failings 
have really made me reconsider the overall Sirius.  

I didn't put as much weight on the "I'm bored.  I wish it were a full 
moon" comment to Lupin as you did **but** the fact that he doesn't 
say "Sorry" or even "Oh, yeah" when Lupin darkly responds "YOU might" 
DOES say something about Sirius' essential nature.  In these 
situations [and I'd add the goading-Harry-in-the-fireplace one to the 
prank & the pensieve scene], he's arrogant and full of himself; he 
thinks of what will bring HIM fun & pleasure, not what others need or 
want.

Perhaps this is one reason some don't see him as a good match for 
Harry.  Harry is already somewhat impulsive & reckless at times, but 
he seems to have The Potter Concern for others, as well [assuming 
that was true of James as well as Lily as an adult].  The MOTIVES 
behind Harry's reckless or impulsive behaviors are often other-
oriented:  save Hermione and Gabrielle Delacour in the TWT; stop 
Snape--whoops Quirrell--from getting the SS; bring Cedric's body 
back; save Ginny in the CoS.  Whatever it is, he's thinking of one 
other person OR doing something that he believes will help the WW at 
large.  Sirius is a member of the Order; we know he's done "good 
things" before.  But he also has this side--this cruel streak--which 
makes him less likeable and perhaps not THE best role model for Harry.

IF Sirius had lived and IF Harry had defeated Voldy and lived 
himself, THEN Sirius might have developed into a person who was good 
for Harry, but as it stood in OoP, I have to conclude that he wasn't 
the greatest influence right then.  Maybe that's why, as much as I 
wish Sirius hadn't died, now that he has, I'm *really* pulling for 
Lupin to step up & be Harry's mentor/father figure/teacher/friend. 

Siriusly Snapey Susan (wondering if Jen will kick her out of the 
Sirius Defense League for this)