Ron's "poor me" syndrome.

[delwynmarch]

No: HPFGUIDX 106178

Alla wrote :
> hereare som examples of Ron's endless complaining of how poor he is.

> "Five," said Ron. For some reason, he was looking gloomy.
> "I'm the sixth in our family to go to Hogwarts. You could say I've 
> got a lot to live up to. 

Del replies :
Check the way he's talking : it's not the way an 11-year-old boy
talks. The way I see it, he's only repeating what his parents,
especially Molly, must have been drilling into his head all summer.

Alla wrote :
> Everyone expects me to do as well as others, but if I do, it's no
> big deal, because they did it first. You never get anything new, 
> either, with five brothers. I've got Bill's old robes, Charlie's
> old wand and Percy's old rat" PS/SS, paperback; am. ed., p.99-100.

Del replies :
This is the whole definition of Ron Weasley in a nutshell : he *must*
be *another* brilliant Weasley boy. He must walk in the footsteps of
his older brothers and not depart from them. No room for personal
choices, no excuse for failure. Just look at the way Molly is angry
with the twins for daring to depart from that pattern. She doesn't
care what they *like*, she doesn't care what they *want*, she doesn't
care about what they've *accomplished* : she's just mad at them for
daring to do anything else but what she expected from them. They
*must* be the new Bill, Charlie and Percy all together, and she
doesn't want to listen to their reasons for not being so. 

It's the same with Ron : he *must* be another Bill, Charlie or Percy,
or preferably all three together. Who *cares* about Ron !? Ron doesn't
exist. Ron is just the label on the next embodiment of that most
desirable concept : the Perfect Weasley Boy. Ron isn't allowed to have
his own identity. On the contrary, his identity is defined for him by
his mother : the Next Perfect Weasley Boy.

The fact that Ron doesn't get anything new is very important too,
because it reinforces that feeling that Ron has, that he's only the
next one in the line of Weasley boys : he's an extension of Bill
through the robes, of Charlie through the wand and of Percy through
the rat. He's not Ron, he's just an extension of his older brothers.

A look at Ron's behaviour at school is quite enlightening : he doesn't
work hard, and he keeps breaking rules. In other words, he's
resisting, both passively and actively, every rule his parents have
laid for him. And it works ! The fact that Molly is so surprised when
Ron gets to be Prefect shows that she *had* abandoned all hope for Ron
to be the Next Perfect Weasley Boy. Ron has succeeded in creating a
vaccuum of identity : he doesn't know who he is, but he managed to
stop his mom for telling him who he should be. And when he gets the
Prefect badge, the twins make sure that Molly won't turn on the NPWB
scheme again, by forcing Ron to pretend he's not awfully proud to be a
Prefect. They help maintain that vaccum of identity, they make sure
Ron remains free of becoming who he wants. This helps explain where
Ron got the courage to apply for the place of Keeper : he's building
his own identity. If he had felt like his family wanted him to be in
the team, he would have reverted straight back into his
passive-aggressive pattern, and refused to try. That's one reason I so
hope Ron is finally going to come shining through too : because I see
him finally building his own identity, one that is nowhere as average
as he's been until now. He was average because he refused to be his
parents' creation, but now that he can choose who he wants to be, I
see him working hard to achieve his goals. Very much like the Twins,
in fact.

Alla quoted :
> "Ron had taken out a lumpy package and unwrapped it. There were
> four sandwiches inside. He pulled one of them apart and said, "She
> always forgets I don't like corned beef." PS/SS, p.101

Del replies :
Well, excuse me, but if when I was 11, my mom had not been able to
remember what foods I don't like (especially since Ron seems to like
most foods, so the list of those he doesn't like must be very short),
I would have been downright mad. I consider it a basic proof of love
to make the effort to remember what your loved ones like to eat and
wear. They are *people* with likes and dislikes, not animals submitted
to the will of their caretaker.

Alla quoted :
> "Ron was admiring the cloak. "I'd give anything for one
> of these," he said. "Anything. What is the matter?" – PS/SS, p.201.

Del replies :
Huh ?? What's wrong with that one ? I think everyone must have said
something like that, at one time. Whether it was about a piece of
clothing, of jewellery, a Cd-player or a computer, a car or a bike, or
whatever else, we've all said that in some way. Even Harry says, or at
least thinks, something quite similar, when he's lusting for the
Firebolt in the window-shop, at the beginning of PoA.

Alla quoted : 
> "Why aren't you wearing yours, Ron?" George demanded.
> "Come on, get it on, they're lovely and warm."
> "I hate maroon," Ron moaned halfheartedly as he pulled it
> over his head." – PS/SS, p.202

Del replies :
Why do you think the twins tease Ron about wearing his jumper ?
Because they know he hates maroon. Molly should, too. That's the basic
of gift-giving : making sure you're not offering something that the
person *reputedly* doesn't like. If one of my friends offered me a
pink fluffy cardigan, I'd be severely disappointed, and I would wonder
how much that so-called friend actually cares about me, if they don't
even know how much I hate pink, and fluffy clothes.

Alla quoted : 
> "It's a bit small," said Ron quickly. "Not like that
> room you had with the Muggles. And I am right underneath the ghoul in
> the attic; he is always banging on the pipes and groaning
"
> But Harry, grinning wildly, said, "This is the best house
> I've ever been in."
> Ron's ears went pink" –CoS, am.ed., p.41

Del replies :
No, Alla, please not this one ! It's so OBVIOUSLY a direct parallel to
what many many MANY people do every day ! Ron is afraid of making a
bad impression on Harry, he's afraid his best pal will think little of
his home and most particularly of his room. He's seen Harry's room,
and he's afraid Harry will regret it, because it's bigger and quieter.
So he apologises in advance. I do that all the time !!

Alla quoted :
> "Wish I hadn't bought this now," said Ron, gesturing at his dancing 
> shamrock hat and  gazing longingly at the Omnioculars.
> "Three pairs," said Harry firmly to the wizard.
> "No-don't bother," said Ron, going red. He was always touchy about 
> the fact that Harry, who had inherited a small fortune from his 
> parents, had much more money than he did." - GoF, p.94, amer.ed.

Del replies :
What's wrong with being touchy because you're poor ?? I was poor too,
and I was touchy about it too. I would pretend that I kept wearing the
same outfit because I liked it. I would pretend that we never went on
holidays anywhere exotic because we liked it too much at my
grand-father's (and that was one BIG lie). I would pretend that I
never went skiing because my knees hurt when I was on skies (I *never*
put a foot on a ski...). I would pretend that I bought all the trendy
discs (when in fact I taped the songs on the radio). I don't even know
if I ever revealed to anyone but my closest friends that we still had
a black-and-white TV by the time I finished high school.
And I sure didn't like it when other people were offering me charity !
Especially since half of those who did manage to, made me pay after a
while, one way or another.

Alla quoted :
> "Well, they `re okay!" said Ron angrily, looking at Harry's robes, 
> Why couldn't I have something like that?" – GoF, p.156

Del replies :
Mom's Ron just bought his 14-year-old boy maroon girl-gown-like robes...

Alla wrote :
> Is  it a mortal sin for Ron to complain about his poorness? Surely 
> not, BUT it does get very annoying. I am expecting Ron to put things 
> in perspective by now.

Del replies :
I don't find that annoying at all. I'm even surprised at how little
Ron complains. I had friends who complained 10 times more, even though
they were nowhere as poor as Ron.
And what perspective are you talking about exactly ? Ron IS poor, no
perspective is going to change that. Ron never pretended he was the
saddest boy in the world because he's poor. He only stated that he
doesn't like being poor. Whichever way he looks at it won't change
that fact : Ron is poor and it makes some aspects of his life hard.
You know, it's not like Harry is telling him about his problems and
Ron interrupts him to say : "Yeah, well, I know, you've got that scar
that hurts, and LV is trying to kill you, but honestly mate, look at
me ! I'm poor !" Whenever Ron complains, it's always during the flow
of normal life, when everything is as close to normal as possible,
when Harry is just his best mate Harry, not
Harry-Potter-whose-life-sucks, and Ron can allow himself to be just
Ron, who happens to hate being poor. Harry sees nothing wrong with
that, quite the contrary : he understands Ron and he tries his best to
help. And I sure don't see anything wrong either.

Huh, sorry for the long post and the psycho-babble, but hey ! You were
looking for ir ;-)

Del