Ron's "poor me" syndrome.

[allison_m_otto]

No: HPFGUIDX 106197

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com
> Alla wrote :
> > hereare som examples of Ron's endless complaining of how poor he 
is.
> 

Allison:
I just don't think he's complaining that much.


> > "Five," said Ron. For some reason, he was looking gloomy.
> > "I'm the sixth in our family to go to Hogwarts. You could say 
I've 
> > got a lot to live up to. 
> 

Allison:
Complaining about being overshadowed by the rest of your family 
doesn't mean you're poor.  If the Weasleys were the richest family in 
Britain and Ron had five older brothers who were all top of their 
class at Eton and went on to become barristers or something, he would 
feel the same way.  And for an 11-year-old, it's totally natural.

> 
> Alla wrote :
> > Everyone expects me to do as well as others, but if I do, it's no
> > big deal, because they did it first. You never get anything new, 
> > either, with five brothers. I've got Bill's old robes, Charlie's
> > old wand and Percy's old rat" PS/SS, paperback; am. ed., p.99-100.
> 

Allison:
Yes, he's acknowledging that he has a lot of hand-me-downs.  I had 
some, too.  It happens in big families even when you're not poor, to 
reduce the waste of tossing something when one child is done with 
it.  But Ron's also doing something else here - Harry's just said he 
wished he had four wizard brothers.  Ron's saying it's not all that 
great.  He is complaining, but he's also expressing (on a fairly 
stressful day) his worst fears - that the other students won't accept 
him because he's not as good as his brothers and he doesn't have nice 
things.  Saying "I hope no one makes fun of my clothes" isn't the 
same as saying "I hate being poor."

> Alla quoted :
> > "Ron had taken out a lumpy package and unwrapped it. There were
> > four sandwiches inside. He pulled one of them apart and said, "She
> > always forgets I don't like corned beef." PS/SS, p.101
> 
> Del replies :
> Well, excuse me, but if when I was 11, my mom had not been able to
> remember what foods I don't like (especially since Ron seems to like
> most foods, so the list of those he doesn't like must be very 
short),
> I would have been downright mad. I consider it a basic proof of love
> to make the effort to remember what your loved ones like to eat and
> wear. They are *people* with likes and dislikes, not animals 
submitted
> to the will of their caretaker.

Allison:
Actually, my mom often forgot whether I liked mustard on my 
sandwiches or really hated rye bread.  She had two children (nowhere 
near seven) and a job.  She had a lot on her mind, and I didn't think 
she loved me less because she forgot that it was my brother who liked 
Swiss cheese and not me.  Likewise, in families where there isn't a 
lot of money to waste, if something has been bought to eat and one 
child doesn't like it, that one child is going to eat it anyway.  

Also, I think what Ron is really doing here is what Del says later - 
he's apologizing for Molly to the new kid (Harry) he expects has 
grown up like a prince.  He complains without thinking first that he 
hates corned beef, but he immediately says that she doesn't have a 
lot of time, with so many children.  He's not complaining about this; 
he's providing an excuse so that Harry doesn't think his mum is just 
lazy or careless about her kids.

snip
> 
> Alla quoted : 
> > "Why aren't you wearing yours, Ron?" George demanded.
> > "Come on, get it on, they're lovely and warm."
> > "I hate maroon," Ron moaned halfheartedly as he pulled it
> > over his head." – PS/SS, p.202
> 
> Del replies :
> Why do you think the twins tease Ron about wearing his jumper ?
> Because they know he hates maroon. Molly should, too. That's the 
basic
> of gift-giving : making sure you're not offering something that the
> person *reputedly* doesn't like. If one of my friends offered me a
> pink fluffy cardigan, I'd be severely disappointed, and I would 
wonder
> how much that so-called friend actually cares about me, if they 
don't
> even know how much I hate pink, and fluffy clothes.

Allison:

Again, this isn't him complaining about being poor.  We have no 
indication that Molly made him a maroon jumper because maroon yarn 
was cheaper.  And I doubt she forgot that maroon sometimes looks odd 
on redheads, being that she is one herself and all of her children 
have red hair.  She probably thinks maroon looks cute on Ron, or it's 
the color she dressed him in as a baby or something.  I can easily 
envision the yearly Christmas jumper scenario:

Ron: "Mum, you know I hate maroon."
Molly: "Oh hush, put it on, it looks lovely."
Ron: grumble grumble but puts it on anyway
Molly: "See?"

This is easy to envision because it's exactly what happens with Fred 
and George.  He only complains "halfheartedly," because this happens 
every year and he's resigned to the fact that Molly made him the 
maroon kid.  This doesn't mean she doesn't love him enough or doesn't 
pay attention to his likes and dislikes.  If he really hated the 
jumpers, he wouldn't wear them at school regardless of F&G.  Frankly, 
if my mother - or anyone else - took the time to knit me a sweater 
I'd love it regardless of color.  I think that Ron probably secretly 
feels the same way, which is why he wears it.  Remember, Percy 
sending back his jumper in OoP was a cardinal sin for the Weasleys - 
because it's not about the jumper, it's about Molly expressing her 
love for her children by knitting them something warm and soft.

> 
> Alla quoted : 
> > "It's a bit small," said Ron quickly. "Not like that
> > room you had with the Muggles. And I am right underneath the 
ghoul in
> > the attic; he is always banging on the pipes and groaning
"
> > But Harry, grinning wildly, said, "This is the best house
> > I've ever been in."
> > Ron's ears went pink" –CoS, am.ed., p.41
> 
> Del replies :
> No, Alla, please not this one ! It's so OBVIOUSLY a direct parallel 
to
> what many many MANY people do every day ! Ron is afraid of making a
> bad impression on Harry, he's afraid his best pal will think little 
of
> his home and most particularly of his room. He's seen Harry's room,
> and he's afraid Harry will regret it, because it's bigger and 
quieter.
> So he apologises in advance. I do that all the time !!

Allison:
I agree.  He knows Harry wasn't treated well, but he's seen that 
Harry obviously grew up in a fairly affluent environment.  The fact 
that Harry didn't reap the benefits of the Dursleys' middle-class 
status doesn't mean he couldn't look down on someone who had a lot 
less money.  Ron's still a little afraid that Harry, never having 
seen firsthand how the Weasleys live, might make an unfavorable 
comparison with other people.  So Ron does it first.


> 
> Alla quoted :
> > "Wish I hadn't bought this now," said Ron, gesturing at his 
dancing 
> > shamrock hat and  gazing longingly at the Omnioculars.
> > "Three pairs," said Harry firmly to the wizard.
> > "No-don't bother," said Ron, going red. He was always touchy 
about 
> > the fact that Harry, who had inherited a small fortune from his 
> > parents, had much more money than he did." - GoF, p.94, amer.ed.
>

Allison:

Ron does get touchy.  But it's not really about being poor so much as 
it's about Harry always being better - Harry's the hero, the famous 
one, the star Quidditch player, and also the one who has money to 
throw around.  Even though Harry's always nice about his money, of 
course Ron would sometimes get a little bitter that Harry seems to 
have everything.  But in this clipped scene, he's not even bitter.  
He's *embarrassed* that he can't afford what Harry can, and he feels 
bad about Harry buying him things.  That's not complaining; it's 
normal teenage feelings of inadequacy. 

> Alla quoted :
> > "Well, they `re okay!" said Ron angrily, looking at Harry's 
robes, 
> > Why couldn't I have something like that?" – GoF, p.156
> 
> Del replies :
> Mom's Ron just bought his 14-year-old boy maroon girl-gown-like 
robes...

Allison:
True - Ron's just been horrified by what he's expected to wear at 
school in front of all his friends, and that shock is compounded by 
seeing that Molly's bought something nicer for Harry, who's not even 
her son.  

Notice that in the next part Molly has to tell Ron that his are less 
nice because they had to be bought secondhand - Ron didn't think of 
that himself.  He's not complaining about being poor in this quote - 
it didn't even occur to him right away that he got bad robes because 
they're poor.  He's just complaining that Harry's are nicer.

Altogether, Ron's a boy from a poor family at a school where a lot of 
the kids appear to be well-off - especially the other purebloods, and 
a lot of the other Gryffindors (for example, Neville, Lavender, 
Parvati, Harry all have new things, nice dress robes, etc).  Del's 
right that he doesn't complain very often, and when he does it's a 
passing remark when he gets frustrated because something of his 
doesn't work or doesn't look right.  Most people, unless they're very 
wealthy, occasionally wish they could afford something better.  Ron's 
unfortunate enough to be surrounded by a lot of kids who *can* afford 
better things than his.  But judging by his reaction to Percy's 
letter in OoP, I'd say Ron would choose his family's lack of wealth 
over Percy's ambition to succeed and make more money.  That, to me, 
shows that he has character and that he appreciates what's really 
important.