FILK: Secrecy Tonight

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 91900

I've finished the Chorus Line musical, titled A Vast LEPHT-Wing 
Conspiracy (11 filks all told), which will go up on my filk site next 
week. The three final filks I wrote for it do not really stand alone 
apart from the dramatic context, so I've opted not to post them here. 
I'm now starting my next HP musical, for The Chamber of Secrets, 
which will be my first Sondheim-based musical. Here's the opening 
song:

Secrecy Tonight

To the tune of Comedy Tonight, from Sondheim's A Funny Thing Happened 
on the Way to the Forum (based on the 1996 revival with Nathan Lane) 

A MIDI at:

http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/5748/comtn.mid

Dedicated to Haggridd

THE SCENE: Before Hogwarts Castle. Enter DOBBY

DOBBY: Readers, I bid you welcome. The Potterverse is a literary 
realm that unites the genres of fantasy and mystery. Tonight, in this 
retelling of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, we are pleased 
to emphasize the mystery. We shall employ every device we know in our 
desire to – uh – mystify you.

(music) Something that's hidden
Something forbidden,
Something from Salazar
In secrecy tonight!

Something ancient-er
Something ain't gentler
Something that's so bizarre 
In secrecy tonight!

Pixies who screech,
Dwarves who will sing
Murderous voices 
In the plumbing

Stone transformations
Snake conversations
And a heroic little sprite.
Mystery and shadow,
Secrecy tonight!

Thousand-year old nook,
Fifty-year old book,
The Dark Lord's evil star
Ascendency's tonight!

Anglias flying
Phoenixes crying
Our hero and his scar
Fight secrecy tonight!

Dumbledore's pluck,
Tom Riddle's plaque,
Warlocks who change
Their wives into yaks!

(Several members of the cast enter)

Evil creation's
Regeneration
Hellish spawn born of death and night
Mystery and shadow,

ALL
Secrecy tonight!

RON
Something that's risky
And basilisky,

HERMIONE
Some thing hates everyone -
In secrecy tonight!
Something of Lockhart

FRED:
Something of Dark Arts

LUCIUS
Hands in the cookie jar

DRACO
Through secrecy tonight!

LOCKHART
Nothing amiss
Nothing I lack
Let me hold sway in robes of lilac

DOBBY
First HP sequel 

GEORGE
Cast without equal

RON
May Salazar's schemes come to light

ALL (except MALFOYS)
Open up the Chamber -
Let us end its blight!

DOBBY (spoken): It all takes place at the Hogwarts School of Wizardry 
and Witchcraft, around and about these three houses. First, the house 
of Gryffindor, where our intrepid hero and his stalwart allies work 
to unravel a mystery of seemingly impenetrable complexity.  

Second, the house of Slytherin, those deceitful folks who use any 
means to gain their ends.  Do they hold the key to the mysterious 
Heir of Slytherin and the sinister creature stalking Hogwarts? (naah, 
but it makes for one hell of a red herring).

And finally, the mythical Chamber of Secrets, in which the true Heir 
Of Slytherin resides. To determine the hidden agenda of this hidden 
heir, our hero must enter the deepest labyrinth of terror, armed only 
with his wand and his indomitable fortitude.

Indirectly affiliated with the house of Slytherin, is Dobby, the 
Malfoy's house-elf, who is probably the pivotal character in Book 
Two. Violating every oppressive law governing his people, he risks 
his very life to aid that hero to the elfish race, Harry Potter, 
providing him with invaluable assistance every step of the way.  A 
role of great pathos as well as a richly comic one, played by an elf 
of such . . . well, let me put it this way . . . Will Farrell, eat 
your heart out
..

Ev'rything you ask for -
Secrecy Tonight!

And now the Start-of-Term feast!

(DOBBY pulls aside a curtain to reveal Dumbledore marching to the 
front of the Great Hall to announce the beginning of the Year's 
feast, with the entire cast of CoS in attendance
)

DUMBLEDORE & CHORUS
(music) Repasts delicious,
Monster malicious
Something from Salazar -
Secrecy tonight!

Ghosts who can party
Ghosts in the potty

DUMBLEDORE
A villain disembodied -

ALL
Secrecy tonight!

RON:
Nothing of Grims,

NEVILLE:
No dreams of doors

HERMIONE:
No dragons scheduled until Book Four.

ALL
Lessons in dueling
Harry carpooling,
Hundreds of spiders taking flight!

GINNY
Warnings stern and cryptic

PERCY
Threats apocalyptic

FRED & GEORGE
Heir of Slytherin loose!

HERMIONE:
Stirring up Polyjuice

LEE JORDAN
Quidditch fouls!

DOBBY
A Hopkirk owl

FUDGE
Stupidity!

SNAPE
Acidity!

SPROUT
Mandrakes!

LOCKHART
Fakes!

RON & DRACO
Slugs!

ARAGOG
Bugs!

ALL
Terrors!
Errors!
Horrors!
Norris!

A Sorting Hat,
Gryffindor's Sword,
And a sock gives freedom's reward!
Broomsticks and blood sports
Year Two at Hogwarts
Mythical riddles to recite
Azkaban  tomorrow



DOBBY
Secrecy!

RON
Secrecy!

ALL
Secrecy Tonight!

DOBBY
One - Two - Three!

(Segue to

)

    -	CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm