On the other hand (was Re: Disliked Uncle Vernon)

[arrowsmithbt]

No: HPFGUIDX 92576

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, "Jen Reese" <stevejjen at e...> wrote:
> 
> Jen: Personally, I'm hoping the Dursley's decision to take Harry in 
> will be a little less fear and loathing and a little more 
> manipulation and mayhem. "What's in it for us?" Vernon asked, 
> quietly. 
> 
Kneasy:
A reasonable (if mercenary) thought. One small snag - who do  they
bicker with and  how?

So far as we know no-one from the WW has met them face to face
and the Dursleys  don't seem to have a method of contacting DD
and his merry crew. That  makes negotiations a bit problematical.

I suppose they could suspend Harry over a barbeque in the back garden
and wait for somebody to come galloping to the rescue, but the little
toe-rag would probably  use his own in-built skin-saver to escape.

DD reads  the Muggle newspapers, so they could always put in a
suitably noticeable ad: "Found near Godrics Hollow - a  sacrificial lamb.
Open to offers. Box XYZ." That'd make him shift. Make the DEs perk
their ears up too.

Jen:
> You make a persuasive point, though, Vernon-as-poster-child for the 
> Muggle Protection Act is really a compelling idea when you think 
> about it.
> 

Kneasy:
Good oh. Vernon on a poster looking like a pink, dyspeptic walrus, 
sporting a T-shirt that reads "Muggles are Magic" - an absolute must is
that on his head is the traditional knotted hankerchief;  that plus the 
obligatory baggy ex-army shorts, knee length socks and orthopaedic 
sandals produces a vision of suburban hom. sap. in all it's splendour.

 
> Jen: Or they figure a little starvation, occasional thrashing and 
> the locked cupboard make it bearable for themselves while they have 
> to offer houseroom? In return, they can live completely Wizard-free 
> lives! Maybe they will even get their memories erased of this whole 
> shebang if they just keep Harry alive until a certain age! The 
> possibilities for their bribery are endless, since they are after 
> all bribing Wizards.
> 

Kneasy:
Wackford Squeers lives! -  one of the early exponents of the 'tough-love'
(I love to be tough) theory of child  care. Pity Vernon doesn't read more
Dickens, it's full of interesting ideas. Hmm. You could almost cast HP
from Dickens - Snape as Murdstone, McGonagall as Betsy Trotwood,
Sirius as Magwitch, Ron as Herbert Pocket, DD as Christmas Present,
Petunia as Mrs Joe, the possibilities are fascinating. 

The trouble with bribing or blackmailing wizards  is the possibility
that you may come home to find a Welsh Green on the living-room
shagpile. And you  can never get the dung out of the carpet or the
scorch-marks off the woodwork. Unfair, really.

> Jen, hoping Vernon doesn't wind up on a pedestal in the end....

Kneasy:
He might, but it'd be labelled "Dursley Agonistes."