FILK: I’ll Be Teaching Dark Arts Defense

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 92617

I was listening to the Mikado on the way home from work tonight, and 
I was suddenly struck by how Katisha's attempts to upstage the Mikado 
in Act II were very like Umbridge's opening gambits as DADA professor 
against Dumbledore
.

I'll Be Teaching Dark Arts Defense (OOP, Chap. 11)

To the tune of From Every Kind of Man, from Gilbert and Sullivan's 
The Mikado

Text and MIDI at:

http://math.boisestate.edu/gas/mikado/webopera/song16.html

Dedicated to JuHu

THE SCENE: The Great Hall. DUMBLEDORE tries to start the term off 
right, but meets with some interference from the new Dark Arts 
Defense Professor


DUMBLEDORE:
Our Hat's complete its Sort
So let our feast now commence!
I'm the Headmaster of Hogwarts


UMBRIDGE (interrupting):

.And I'll be teaching Dark Arts Defense!
This book by Wilbert
Will bore you inert
When I'm teaching Dark Arts Defense!

DUMBLEDORE:
To stroll in the Forbidden
Forest we'll call an offense


UMBRIDGE (interrupting):

Though that's nothing at all, but if
You insult me teaching Dark Arts Defense
De – crees—
>From me, teaching Dark Arts Defense

ALL:
De – crees—
When she's teaching Dark Arts Defense

DUMBLEDORE:
Our caretaker has asked you all 
(Four hundred sixty-second)
Wave not your wands in our halls
.

UMBRIDGE (interrupting):

For I'll be teaching Dark Arts Defense 
My foes I'll condemn
With my sweet little "HEM",
As I'm teaching Dark Arts Defense!

DUMBLEDORE:
And Quidditch tryouts occur
In two or three evenings hence
.

UMBRIDGE (interrupting):

.If dutifully you defer
To me teaching Potter Dark Arts Defense!
Quills grill
When I'm teaching Dark Arts Defense!

ALL:
Quills grill
When she's teaching Dark Arts Defense!

   -	CMC

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