Filk: It takes a house elf

[quigonginger]

No: HPFGUIDX 92796

It Takes a House-Elf, to the Tune of "It Takes a Woman" from Hello, 
Dolly.  Music and lyrics by Jerry Herman. 

To Haggridd, hoping he'll be back with us soon.

The totally non-canonical trio of Lucius Malfoy, Barty Crouch Sr, and 
the portrait of Mother Black sing an ode to House-Elves.

Barty:
It takes a house-elf with tomatoe nose
To make sure your son has invisible clothes.
And it takes a servant in tea-towel dressing
To keep all your secrets when memories you're messing.

All: (refrain)
Yes, it takes a house-elf, a trusty house-elf
A worker, a servant, an elf. 
Oh, yes it takes a house-elf, an enslaved house-elf
To do things I won't do myself.

Lucius:
The down-trod house-elf who irons its hands
And bowing and grov'ling meets all my demands.
And it takes my orders when I am reclining, 
And follows me 'round when my shoes need a shining.

All repeat refrain

All: 
And so they'll work in all humility.
Three cheers for their ability.
Rah, rah, rah,
H-Ow-S, E-L-F

Madam Black's protrait:
It's even usefull when properly dead.
Such fine decoration you get from its head.
And should its service not end with such closing,
It gratefully serves you when you're decomposing.

All repeat refrain, repeat refrain again, then refrain from repeating.

Ginger, whose backspace key keeps sticking.