On the other hand (was Re: Disliked Uncle Vernon)

[Doriane]

No: HPFGUIDX 93105


Suehpfan said :

> First off I said *nothing* about bonding.  I don't really care 
> whether Petunia bonded to Harry or not.

Del answers :

I do, because I know from personal experience how hard it is to take 
care of a baby you don't feel any love for.
Especially since Petunia already had her own baby to take care of. 
Taking care of twins is hard enough when they are your own and you 
love them. But if you feel that one of them is a parasite that is 
preventing you from taking care of your "real" baby, then I don't 
see how you can be expected to give love to that stranger. It's next 
to impossible.


Sue said :

> I also said it was the most painful for *me*, very personal, very 
> specific.

Del answers :

I'm sorry, really I am. I have issues too, but unfortunately, they 
are more on Petunia's side.

Sue said :

> It is of the utmost depravity in any culture, including most 
> animal cultures (by that I mean monkey, wolf, etc.) to not care 
> for the young.

Del answers :

Depravity can be fostered by many things, including poverty of 
means, or in this case, poverty of affection. We know Petunia had 
her own problems with her parents, it is very possible she didn't 
feel loved as a kid, or not as loved as Lily at least. So maybe she 
grew up thinking that some kids are loved more than others, and 
that's normal. Then she wouldn't have any problem reproducing that 
behaviour with Dudley and Harry. In fact, she would probably find it 
quite satisfying to take out her revenge on Lily this way, to "make 
things even". As for Vernon, we don't know anything about his 
childhood, so we can't judge him.

Sue said :

> Most of us do respond to an infant and small child simply because 
> we are genetically programmed to do so, propagation of the species 
> and all that.

Del answers :

Most of us respond to a baby on the spur of the moment, yes. But how 
many of us would be willing to take a strange baby in our home and 
take care of him as our child ? Not so many, I'm sure.

Sue said :

> Petunia *agreed* to take Harry.  There must have been a way 
> for her to tell DD to take the bundle put it somewhere else. No 
> thank you.  We have no idea what kind of agreement was made or 
> whether there was compensation for Harry's care.  I am of the 
> opinion that there was.

Del answers :

Petunia *screamed* when she found Harry on her doorstep. I wouldn't 
call that an agreement. And even if she did agree later, that 
doesn't mean she realised then what she was getting herself in. 
Considering her emotional luggage concerning Harry's parents, I'd 
say she bit more than she could chew, but didn't realise it then.

Sue said :

> As far as forcing standards on other people, we all have a 
> responsibility to be sure our young are cared for.  As a teacher, 
> I was *required* to do so by the state in which I was credentialed 
> or risk prosecution for negligence myself.  I am all for "to each 
> his own" unless there is someone who cannot protect themselves, 
> then "it takes a village" IMHO.

Del answers :

I agree completely ! Go tell that to Harry's teachers and 
neighbours, though, because they don't seem to agree with us...

Sue said :
 
> On the point of DD and his decision to leave Harry with the 
> Dursley's, I believe he trusted Petunia to care for her nephew 
> with honor, she did have a choice and she agreed to take him.  I 
> think it was probably only after the charm to protect him was cast 
> DD realized how horrible Harry's life was going to be.  It was 
> then a choice between two evils and DD chose the one that was most 
> likely to keep Harry alive and humble so he could rise to the 
> challenges ahead.

Del answers :

DD had a century of experience behind him. Even McG recognised that 
the Dursleys couldn't be an adequate foster family for Harry. DD 
should have known right away that this wouldn't work.
Petunia and Vernon were young parents, probably no more than 30 or 
so, and they had very little time and background to make their 
decision.
If anyone is to blame that the whole thing didn't work out all 
right, it's DD. He put the Dursleys in a fix he should have known 
they couldn't handle, and never followed up on the whole matter, 
even when it turned nasty. That was unfair to everyone involved, 
Harry as well as the Dursleys.


Sue said :
 
> You are absolutely right to say that they would have to realize 
> the "wrongness" of their behavior.  If you would be disappointed, 
> I would be thrilled.  It is so much easier for people who have 
> suffered abuse to heal when the people who did the abusing 
> acknowledge the error of their ways.  I wish for Harry some path 
> through the wilderness for at least part of what he has suffered.

Del answers :

I would be disappointed because of the message it would send out to 
the kids out there, that people who don't think like us *must* 
change in the end. It simply doesn't promote tolerance.

Sue said :

> I suspect we will have to agree to disagree on the Dursleys.  
> Everyone is redeemable (even Uncle Vernon :P), I hope they do 
> redeem themselves and do something right for once.

Del answers :

One thing I've learned on this list is to agree to disagree :-) But 
I have to point out that the Dursleys already did something right : 
they took Harry in. For all we know, they might already have saved 
his life by doing so.

Sue said :

> As far as I'm concerned they have no "moral code" they have a 
> conformist code but there is nothing moral about it.

Del asnwers :

Any code that consistently guides your actions is your moral code. 
It's just a matter of words.

Del