On the other hand (was Re: Disliked Uncle Vernon)

[Doriane]

No: HPFGUIDX 93205


Suehpfan :
> I do believe most people would have taken well care of a child 
> they chose to raise. 

Del :
Too many people can't even take well care of a child they chose to 
*conceive*. And people who want to adopt kids are thoroughly 
screened precisely because abuse of adopted kids is too common.

Sue :
> The most important point I was trying to make is that Petunia 
> chose to keep him.  The moment she made that decision she held a 
> responsibility to raise him, and raise him well.  She could have 
> said no.

Del :
We still don't know that.

Sue :
> Their position here is not defensible (IMHO) because they did at 
> least better by Dudley in providing food and shelter.

Del :
As far as we know, maybe the way they took care of Harry is what's 
normal in their idea, and the way they took care of Dudley is 
exceptional. Maybe it's not a matter of bad and good, but of good 
and better ?
Well, okay, even I don't believe it :-)
But what I do believe is that they deeply resented Harry for "taking 
away" from Dudley. Even if they spent as little time and money as 
possible on Harry, it was still ressources they couldn't spend on 
Dudley as they had planned to. For some people, that matters a lot.

> > Del answers :
> > 
> > I would be disappointed because of the message it would send out 
> > to the kids out there, that people who don't think like us 
> > *must* change in the end. It simply doesn't promote tolerance.
> 
> To accept the abuse of another human being is not tolerance, it is 
> capitulation and it is inexcusable.  I sincerely hope that no 
> child reading these books on their own or being read to by an 
> adult believes when it is all said and done is that the right 
> thing to do is tolerate someone abusing someone else in any way.  
> I believe  JKR would be horrified at the thought of her words 
> being used to promote "tolerance" in regards to abuse. Tolerance 
> of difference, but abuse is not a difference it is a crime.  A 
> crime against the vulnerable.

Del :
Okay, I didn't express my feelings clearly on that one.
What I am against is that idea that the Dursleys should change on 
their own, that they should wake up one day and say : "Hey, we've 
been lying for years, we always knew we were doing wrong, we are 
evil, what we've done to Harry is horrible !" That would be awful in 
my idea, because it would imply that whoever is doing bad things 
(things the kids think are bad) necessarily knows they are doing 
something evil and they are doing it out of pure evilness and they 
can just be forced to admit it and to change it. It's just not 
always that simple. The Dursleys probably know that their solution 
to their problem (Harry) is not the only one, the one the WW would 
approve of, but they might not see a way out. I would like them to 
be shown the way through *love* and help, not through force. After 
all, many people on this list believe that Harry will beat LV 
through love, so what's so crazy about my request that the Dursleys 
should be shown love as well ?? I want the kids who read the books 
to learn that too often, when some people do bad things, it's 
because they don't know much better, but they will change if they 
are guidely nicely. I want the kids to learn that the school bully 
might need just as much help as the kids he's beating, that the 
nasty teacher might be hurting just as much as the kids he's 
belittling (as some say Snape does), that the grouchy old neighbour 
might just be desperately alone, etc... I want kids to learn that a 
behaviour can be bad, but that most of the time the person isn't, 
and that with adequate help (not beating and hate) they can change 
that behaviour.
And yes in my idea abuse falls under the category of bad behaviours. 
And I also know it's hard to love an abuser.

Del