Harry Learning From Snape

[DawnnieC]

No: HPFGUIDX 114732


> Bookworm:
> Your suggestions are appropriate for two adults.  For a child/student 
> to *show* contempt for a teacher or to ignore him is disrespectful 
> and the teacher would be within his rights to discipline him.  

Dzeytoun:
> So?  Snape will discipline Harry in any case.  Snape has not earned 
> respect and HARRY MUST NOT SHOW IT TO HIM.

> Bookworm: 
> A better approach, IMO, would be for Harry to be *very* respectfully 
> polite no matter what Snape says or does.  If he can maintain that 
> attitude, then he would have truly developed some maturity in 
> dealing with Snape.

Dzeytoun:
> You are totally and completely incorrect.  All that will show is that 
> he has developed a poor sense of self-worth and a completely inappropriate 
> habit of giving respect to people who have not earned it.

 
Dawnnie delurking to respond:

I'm sorry, but I disagree with your assessment.  Being overly polite to a person who is treating you poorly does **not** demonstrate a poor sense of 
self-worth nor does it mean you will form the habit of doling out inappropriate respect.

Have you ever heard the old adage "Two wrongs don't make a right" or "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?”  They both apply here.  Just because Snape is a mean, disrespectful, bully does not mean Harry should respond the same way.  If people *only* changed their behavior/attitude in response to another (in your suggestion, if I am reading it correctly, Harry should only change his behavior *after* Snape changes his) then no one would ever change.  Each would be waiting for the other to “make the first move.”  Somewhere, someone *needs* to initiate the change.  Ideally, you would like it to be the adult, but sadly that isn’t always the case.

As a person who has over 14-years experience working in the special education field as well as several as a counselor I can tell you from personal experience that the quickest, most efficient way to diffuse a particularly volatile (mean, bullying, arrogant) personality is to respond with civility.  When you do that, the power shifts from the bully to the target (for lack of a better word).  

Bullies (and I consider Snape’s behavior bullying) thrive off fear and intimation.  Their power lies in the ability to elicit specific behaviors from their targets, manipulating the situation (through the use of words) to make others angry, cry, frustrated, and/or prone to verbal outbursts.  By reacting to the bully, the target gives up his power to the bully.  When the victim/target chooses **not** to respond to the bullying behavior, he regains his power and renders the bully powerless.  

This is why I believe Harry **should** learn to treat Snape with respect/civility.  Harry cannot control Snape’s behavior, but as pointed out earlier, Harry can certainly change his reactions to Snape.  If he were to react by not reacting the dynamic between the two would certainly change; it has to as one of the variables (bully/target) that defined the relationship has changed.

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, [sic] “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission” - - it applies here.  Snape felt inferior to James et al and Harry feels inferior in Snape's presence.

Dawnnie ~ ~ going back into lurking mode as she has 20 more emails in her in box.