SHIP: Ginny/Harry, Remus/Tonks, and RL experiences

[delwynmarch]

No: HPFGUIDX 136268

Marianne wrote: 
"I feel the same emptiness with what I felt was the sudden springing
on the readership of Remus/Tonks.  Yes, they are minor players in the
story as a whole, so of course JKR is not going to devote entire
chapters to the "Ballad of Remus and Tonks," but the whole impassioned
Tonks speech in the hospital, and Remus' unenthusiastic response did
not strike me as a couple really in love, either."

Del replies:
This definitely shows that the readers' experience accounts for a lot
in how they understand a romance that is little developed.

Harry/Ginny: many people have said that they enjoyed being able to
project their own experience of teen romance on that ship. I, on the
other hand, hated not being told more about them, because I have *no*
teen romance experience to project on the ship, so it just feels empty
to me. JKR provided an outline: some were able to fill it in because
they knew from experience what the whole picture looks like, but I was
unable to fill it in because I have no idea what the picture is
supposed to look like. I am left with only the worthless, empty outline.

Lupin/Tonks: I saw the possibility of that one in OoP, and I was happy
to see it confirmed in HBP. And I simply LOVED the hospital scene in
HBP, because it relates so closely to my own experience. I KNEW what
Tonks was going through, because I have had a very similar experience.
I cry every time I read it, every time I see Tonks grabbing Lupin and
yelling at him "I don't care!", because this is something that I have
done and said! I understand the Lupin/Tonks dynamics completely,
because they are real to me, they reflect my experience perfectly.

But I also understand that many other people can't be as touched by
it, because they haven't been through such an experience, or it didn't
affect them as much as it did me.

The difference between Harry/Ginny and Lupin/Tonks, though, is as
Marianne said: Lupin and Tonks are minor characters. So it is
understandable that JKR would not take much time to develop their
relationship and explain it. She can afford to have some readers who
don't get or are not touched by the L/T ship. People have their
favourite secondary characters, those they relate best to, and they
also have those they don't care about or don't relate to. It's normal.
So if some readers don't care about some secondary characters, it
doesn't matter, it isn't critical.

But Harry is the main character. He's the hero. Because of that, it
*does* matter that people care about it, it is important that they
relate to him. JKR always took pains to put her readers inside Harry's
head, to make us feel what Harry feels, so we would develop a close
relationship to him, we would care about him, we would understand him.

That's why her not describing the H/G romance is such a problem for
me. I *cannot* relate to H/G, because I don't have the right kind of
life experience for that. I cannot relate to it any more than I can
relate to having a burning scar on my forehead or someone possessing
me. I *need* to have those things be described to me, so I can
understand them, I can feel how they make Harry feel, I can follow him
every step of the way. JKR did not do that for H/G, and as a result
that romance *does not exist* for me. I know intellectually that it
exists, but not emotionally. I feel nothing about it, I don't care
about it, and I don't consider it to be important. And so I find
myself quite at odds with Harry, I'm not following him anymore, some
of his motives have become unknown to me, and some of his actions
don't make any sense to me. Harry has suddenly become somewhat of a
stranger to me, a stranger that I don't understand and about whom I
can't care very much. And that bothers me very much because it takes
away from my pleasure in reading the book and from my understanding of
its messages.

I had a similar problem with Angry!Harry in HBP, but at least at that
time it was something JKR couldn't have done anything about. She
couldn't have written it better, or more in detail or whatever, so the
problem was entirely mine, her writing was definitely not an issue.
But she *could* have written H/G better, and this would probably have
removed my problem completely, or at least a big chunk of it. This
time, it is not just my problem, part of it comes from JKR's writing.

JMO,

Del