In defense of Molly /Molly's treatment of Arthur

[susanmcgee48176]

No: HPFGUIDX 136502

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, "elizabeththedragonslayer" 
<ngermany at e...> wrote:
> Susanmcgee48176 <Schlobin at a...> wrote:
> 
> 
> > Sorry, but I totally disagree with "Molly's treatment of Arthur" 
> as 
> > browbeating or disrespectful. They have spirited arguments -- I 
> > believe that their argument in the GoF where they are debating 
> > whether to tell Harry is a wonderful example of mature adults who 
> > love each other and respectfully disagree. Arthur goes ahead and 
> > warns Harry about Sirius. Arthur has plenty of influence on 
> > decisions. He goes ahead and has the muggle surgeon stitch his 
> > wounds -- Molly was right and angry -- but that didn't stop him.
> 
> 
> 
> Good post!!  In regards to the Browbeaten Arthur theory, remember 
I think what bothers me is that I don't see Arthur at all browbeaten.
I think it's a put down of both him and Molly that is not fair.
I haven't heard a whole lot about Petunia being "brow beaten"...even 
though Vernon makes most of the decisions. (In PS/SS he takes the 
family on a wild, mad flight from the owl post, regardless of 
Petunia's horror). It's only in OoP that Petunia says that Harry will 
stay, and we're surprised because we're used to her being mostly 
quiet and letting Vernon rant and rave.

Upon further reflection, I am reacting badly to the browbeaten Arthur 
theory because I believe it is a gendered theory -- and specifically 
anti-female.

I took a long moratorium from this list in part because of the anti-
Molly and anti-Hermione posts. Assertive (or heavens forbid loud)
women are called bossy. Assertive men are seen as normal. Do you 
notice that no one calls Ron "bossy" when he is trying to tell Ginny 
how to run her social life? 

In some ways, Molly and Arthur have a very traditional relationship 
in terms of gender roles. Her arena is mostly the family, the 
household, and child care. His arena is mostly work and supporting 
the family. As I've said before, I find this too rigid for my own 
taste. However, I grew up in a family like that in that my father 
worked outside the home, and my mother worked inside the home. In 
Molly and Arthur's situation, it seems to work for them.

But in other ways, Molly and Arthur do not conform to highly rigid 
gendered roles. Molly is loud, she shouts, she makes her opinions 
known. Arthur is more quiet and laid back. This is contrary to what 
men and women are supposed to be like.

I see a lot of men who are really nice guys, negotiate with their 
female partners, do their share of the household work, and child 
care -- and are seen as p***y whipped -- this is a term of contempt 
and derison for men who are browbeaten or controlled by their wives.

What is behind this contempt? It's MEN who are supposed to do the 
controlling of WOMEN..who are supposed to wear the pants, rule the 
roost..and if you're not a REAL man (and a real man means making 
decisions and controlling women), then you must be like a woman, that 
is, contemptible.

Because Molly and Arthur share decisions, most people see Molly as 
dominating him. This makes them hostile to Molly and contemptuous or 
dismissing of Arthur.

Of course, any time one person is at home most of the time with the 
children, and the other is working long hours, the person at home is 
going to have more role in child rearing and will oftentimes (not 
always) be the on the spot disciplinarian. It's a question of access.
But Arthur is indeed involved with his family. He's obviously been 
teaching the children about magic (how many times have I told you 
never to trust something if you can't see where it keeps its brains?)
(Harry, please, you're talking to the man who raised Fred and George).
He takes his kids AND Harry and Hermione to the Quidditch Cups, which 
is a big responsibility. (Fred and George tried to get me to make one 
when I was about five. I nearly did too, I was holding hands with 
Fred and everything when Dad found us. He went mental," said Ron, 
with a reminiscent gleam in his eyes. "Only time I've ever seen Dad 
as angry as Mum, Fred reckons his left but-tock has never been the 
same since." )


Arthur is a great guy. More evidence. He arrives at the Dursleys, and 
is genuinely concerned about Dudley. He becomes angry at Fred and 
George about the Ten-Tongue Toffee. He CAN lose his temper -- look at 
how he got into a fight with Lucius Malfoy in the CoS (I was so sorry 
they took that part out of the movie.

I think too many see Arthur as not a "real" man because he's not 
ambitious. He's happy in his low end job at the Ministry...and Muggle 
Studies is "soft". It's not like being an Auror, or an Unspeakable.

So as usual, I'm contrary to the prevailing winds....love the Weasley 
family, love Molly, love Arthur, love the Burrow (me and Harry), love 
their relationships......

Now I'm going to shut up for a while.

Susan