"Power the Dark Lord Knows Not" -- Attachment

[docmara1]

No: HPFGUIDX 137644

Hi all,

Long time lurker here :)  I wanted to gingerly dip my toe into the 
waters here to talk about an idea that is alluded to a lot, but is 
not explicitly mentioned in the conversations I've read (and I think 
I'm actually almost caught up! :)).  It, of course, draws on many 
comments and ideas of many on this list. :)

So, here it is, take it in whatever way seems to further 
discussion. :)

There is a lot of thoughtful talk and speculation referring to 
the "Power" that Harry has that LV is missing, with Love being the 
most likely contender.  What I propose is that there is a 
fundamental feeling/experience that is a precursor or prerequisite 
for what we usually call Love.  This experience is *attachment*.  

>From a psychological perspective, attachment is a complex concept, 
but it develops in part from a child's experience of being loved -- 
seeing the proverbial "gleam" in the other's eye (wonder if 
DD's "gleam" is connected somehow..hmm.).  Attachment is resilient 
and evolving, and forms the bedrock of a person's personality 
development.

Anyway, we know that even though Harry spent almost 11 years with 
the Dursleys, that he was a much loved and wanted infant, and most 
likely experienced that very early bonding with others who love 
him.  We see parents who attempted to protect him and died rather 
than "move aside" and leave him open to attack. We see other adults 
who went out of their way to protect him and watch over him even 
from afar.

In direct contrast, we have Tom Riddle, who, we learn, is markedly 
disconnected from others and at least in one important instance, 
rejects attempts to provide guidance, support or nurturing from a 
potentially supportive adult (and who seems to have kept his 
emotional distance from others, charming or controlling them 
instead). We see a family pattern of poor attachments (Marvolo's 
treatment of Merope as a glaring example) culminating in abandonment 
of her newborn by Merope (abandonment as experienced by Tom, for 
sure, but possibly to be seen as a choice to abandon if we presume 
that she potentially *could have* prevented her own death and taken 
care of her child). 

This pattern continues as they each grow. Tom quite literally 
disconnected himself from identification with his family (rejecting 
his "filthy muggle father's" name), and, fundamentally, from 
association with others that don't include dominating and 
controlling them (which grows from viewing others as objects to 
manipulate, which we see even in his early childhood).  

As many others have noted, he has no actual relationships, trusts 
nobody (you don't need to regularly use legilimency if you actually 
trust...), and has even torn his soul to pieces in order to preserve 
a fantasy of immortality. And cold-blooded murder, of course, is the 
ultimate expression of disconnection from humanity, which can 
develop (in part) from never having experienced that fundamental 
connection to another.  

This all makes me think more about LV's obsession with immortality, 
and the terror that he must feel about death -- when you consider 
that he is not really tied to anybody or anything -- there is nobody 
with whom he has shared a close relationship, nobody who (as Harry 
does with his parents) will think of him, remember him, and be 
better b/c of having known him.  In short, he would not live on 
after his death (might be infamous, but not live on in the way that 
James and Lily do for so many people).

Harry is another story altogether.  As many have noted, Harry 
doesn't survive because he is a fabulous wizard with endless skills 
or power (though I do think that he is powerful but still much less 
schooled and experienced than many others).  He has survived, I 
think, for several reasons.  Each of these reasons, I think, 
reflects what is unique about Harry.  

Instead of feeling an intense longing for acceptance, approval or 
admiration (which would not be surprising given the isolation and 
rejection he has experienced), Harry withstands pressure to "go with 
the program" and finally *belong* and be widely approved of, because 
he knows that "the program" is wrong (Umbridge, Scrimgeour).  He is 
able to know this and hold on to it, I think, because he holds on to 
his emotional memory of his parents which links up with the 
experience of the relationships he forms in the WW which reflect 
those relationships (they knew his parents and loved them) and help 
him to develop this capacity not only to love and form attachments, 
but also to be true to himself (which reflects a certain security 
and groundedness).

Harry feels a basic responsibility to other people -- that "saving 
people thing" that Hermione referred to in OOP.  Harry doesn't want 
to "save" others for his own glory or self-importance (in contrast 
to Snape who was devastated to lose the affirmation of the Order of 
the Merlin at the end of POA). He has the emotional capacity to care 
and to see himself not in grandiose ways (unlike "Lord" Voldemort) 
but as a responsible part of a larger whole.  

Because he doesn't seek admiration or aggrandizement, Harry readily 
turns to others for help. Early on, he tends to turn to his friends 
rather than adults (though he does gradually try out and form adult 
attachments with Hagrid, then Sirius and finally, Dumbledore).  
Given that he has not had current experience trusting and turning to 
adults, this makes sense.  He doesn't expect to be taken care of, 
and doesn't expect to be thought of as special.  Yet he does have an 
ability to share himself with others and let himself be cared about 
by them.

Next, Harry feels real connection to other people, including an 
attachment to his parents who he only vaguely remembers, but whose 
love and caring for him has been *internalized* by him -- this 
internalization is key, I think.  Someone (Del?) wrote beautifully 
about the possibility that the "opposite of a Horcrux" would mean 
magically adding something to your soul through an act of (possibly 
sacrificial) love (or, I would posit, deep attachment).  I think 
that one way to think about this enhancing or adding to your soul is 
in terms of the feeling you get when you are deeply connected to 
someone else, and how this feels magical, and as if you are somehow 
better as a result.  When you are changed this way as a result of a 
relationship with another person, you have essentially taken in part 
of that person -- kept them alive inside of you.  This makes Harry 
immeasureably more powerful than LV.

I believe that Harry has done this through his memory of his 
parents, even has he has wrestled with his changing knowledge of his 
father and reconciling that with the wished for father he had held 
inside and which probably sustained him at the Dursleys.  This 
internalized version of his parents is a bridge that allows him to 
feel connected to Lupin and then, ultimately, to Sirius, initially 
as links to his parents, but later, in their own right.  

It was this basic appreciation for relationships (respect for what 
the echo of Cedric asked of him, and a vague realization of what 
this would mean for Cedric's parents) that led him to risk himself 
to take Cedric's body back with him in GOF.  It allows him to 
tolerate abuse and injustice at the hands of the ministry without 
breaking because it anchors him.   This is reflected as well in his 
feelings towards Dumbledore -- loyalty, love -- attachment to DD.  
This is what, I believe, called Fawkes to Harry in the CoS.  It is 
also, IMO, what caused Harry to smile and laugh at DD's funeral.  
Even though DD was gone (won't get into what sort of gone or how 
gone here ;-p), he is not *really* gone so long as others are still 
loyal to him, attached to him.  He lives on in those who love him.

These are the sorts of experiences that buffer someone who has lived 
through unthinkable loss.   

What is still vague for me is why Harry's capacity for attachment 
holds so much more power than that of other people in the WW.  I 
wonder if the clause "born to those who have thrice defied him" is 
meaningful here.  Harry's parents also demonstrated great courage, 
strength of character, loyalty and loving attachment -- maybe even
rejecting the lure of LV (DD commented that Harry avoided being 
seduced by the dark side, makes me wonder how others in the original 
Order might have been approached by LV to join up) and escaping him 
three times.  There is a chain being formed here, and maybe it's the 
links in the chain all holding together -- generationally and 
amongst peers who support one another, that will make all the 
difference in the final confrontation.

It seems to me that the prophecy sets this up -- that LV in essence 
chose Harry and in so doing, set things in motion for Harry to 
develop these capacities in a more intense way than most.  Do others 
think that this is what makes Harry the "chosen one?"

Stepping back into the shadows now, but very happy to talk about 
this with anybody who wants to :)

Mara (who tried really hard not to sound like a psychologist, but 
who probably still does... and who *loves* reading hpfgu :))