"Power the Dark Lord Knows Not" -- Attachment

[Deb]

No: HPFGUIDX 137656


Mara writes:
   (Snip)
 So, here it is, take it in whatever way seems to further 
 discussion. :)
 
 There is a lot of thoughtful talk and speculation referring to 
 the "Power" that Harry has that LV is missing, with Love being the 
 most likely contender.  What I propose is that there is a 
 fundamental feeling/experience that is a precursor or prerequisite 
 for what we usually call Love.  This experience is *attachment*.  
 
 From a psychological perspective, attachment is a complex concept, 
 but it develops in part from a child's experience of being loved -- 
 seeing the proverbial "gleam" in the other's eye (wonder if 
 DD's "gleam" is connected somehow..hmm.).  Attachment is resilient 
 and evolving, and forms the bedrock of a person's personality 
 development.

Deb writes: I agree! It is also at this very early stage of 
development that a person develops... or does not develop... a basic 
sense of trust... trust that his/her needs will be met. And it is 
necessary for optimum psychological growth that needs be met with 
caring and tenderness by one or two primary caregivers. It is not 
enough to simply feed, cloth, bathe, and provide warmth. Infants who 
spend much time in places like the orphanage where Tom Riddle was 
raised probably have many diferent care givers who were probably 
rushed and had little time to spend with an infant who as Mrs Cole 
said "was odd right from the start, ... he didn't cry" (paraphrase 
here). Where as the nurturing that Harry got was from his parents 
who did love him and were emotionally and intellectually able to 
give to a infant in so many ways beyond basic care.  
 
Mara writes:
 Anyway, we know that even though Harry spent almost 11 years with 
 the Dursleys, that he was a much loved and wanted infant, and most 
 likely experienced that very early bonding with others who love 
 him.  We see parents who attempted to protect him and died rather 
 than "move aside" and leave him open to attack. We see other adults 
 who went out of their way to protect him and watch over him even 
 from afar.
 
 In direct contrast, we have Tom Riddle, who, we learn, is markedly 
 disconnected from others and at least in one important instance, 
 rejects attempts to provide guidance, support or nurturing from a 
 potentially supportive adult (and who seems to have kept his 
 emotional distance from others, charming or controlling them 
 instead). We see a family pattern of poor attachments (Marvolo's 
 treatment of Merope as a glaring example) culminating in 
abandonment 
 of her newborn by Merope (abandonment as experienced by Tom, for 
 sure, but possibly to be seen as a choice to abandon if we presume 
 that she potentially *could have* prevented her own death and taken 
 care of her child). 

Deb writes: plus the history of instability and possible genetic 
consequences of generations of "the habit of marrying their cousins" 
as Dumbledore tells Harry after their pensieve visit to the Gaunt's 
hovel. 

Mara writes: 
 This pattern continues as they each grow. Tom quite literally 
 disconnected himself from identification with his family (rejecting 
 his "filthy muggle father's" name), and, fundamentally, from 
 association with others that don't include dominating and 
 controlling them (which grows from viewing others as objects to 
 manipulate, which we see even in his early childhood).  
 
 As many others have noted, he has no actual relationships, trusts 
 nobody (you don't need to regularly use legilimency if you actually 
 trust...), and has even torn his soul to pieces in order to 
preserve 
 a fantasy of immortality. And cold-blooded murder, of course, is 
the 
 ultimate expression of disconnection from humanity, which can 
 develop (in part) from never having experienced that fundamental 
 connection to another.  
 
 This all makes me think more about LV's obsession with immortality, 
 and the terror that he must feel about death -- when you consider 
 that he is not really tied to anybody or anything -- there is 
nobody 
 with whom he has shared a close relationship, nobody who (as Harry 
 does with his parents) will think of him, remember him, and be 
 better b/c of having known him.  In short, he would not live on 
 after his death (might be infamous, but not live on in the way that 
 James and Lily do for so many people).
 
 Harry is another story altogether.  As many have noted, Harry 
 doesn't survive because he is a fabulous wizard with endless skills 
 or power (though I do think that he is powerful but still much less 
 schooled and experienced than many others).  He has survived, I 
 think, for several reasons.  Each of these reasons, I think, 
 reflects what is unique about Harry.  
 
 Instead of feeling an intense longing for acceptance, approval or 
 admiration (which would not be surprising given the isolation and 
 rejection he has experienced), Harry withstands pressure to "go 
with 
 the program" and finally *belong* and be widely approved of, 
because 
 he knows that "the program" is wrong (Umbridge, Scrimgeour).  He is 
 able to know this and hold on to it, I think, because he holds on 
to 
 his emotional memory of his parents which links up with the 
 experience of the relationships he forms in the WW which reflect 
 those relationships (they knew his parents and loved them) and help 
 him to develop this capacity not only to love and form attachments, 
 but also to be true to himself (which reflects a certain security 
 and groundedness).

Deb writes: 
Harry walks and talks his truth to the best of his ability given his 
age and lack of experience in the WW. And earns respect for doing 
so. I also think Harry is a bit of an empath... even before learning 
of Legilimency he picks up on peoples emotional states quite well. 
Besides Legilimency is the forcible reading of emotions and 
memories ... Harry does not seem to need to throw this spell at 
anyone to be able to read their emotional state. 

Mara writes: 
 Harry feels a basic responsibility to other people -- that "saving 
 people thing" that Hermione referred to in OOP.  Harry doesn't want 
 to "save" others for his own glory or self-importance (in contrast 
 to Snape who was devastated to lose the affirmation of the Order of 
 the Merlin at the end of POA). He has the emotional capacity to 
care 
 and to see himself not in grandiose ways (unlike "Lord" Voldemort) 
 but as a responsible part of a larger whole.  
 
 Because he doesn't seek admiration or aggrandizement, Harry readily 
 turns to others for help. Early on, he tends to turn to his friends 
 rather than adults (though he does gradually try out and form adult 
 attachments with Hagrid, then Sirius and finally, Dumbledore).  
 Given that he has not had current experience trusting and turning 
to 
 adults, this makes sense.  He doesn't expect to be taken care of, 
 and doesn't expect to be thought of as special.  Yet he does have 
an 
 ability to share himself with others and let himself be cared about 
 by them.

Deb writes: 
Indeed Harry is thrilled to have people near by who he can turn to! 
I would imagine that it was quite amazing for Harry to realize that 
the adults at Hogwarts (for the most part) were very willing to 
answer his questions. What a refreshing change from the Dursleys ror 
whom "Don't ask questions" was a guiding principle! And when he 
chooses to not seek help or advise from an adult, his peer friends 
seem quite capable of helping him find most of the answers he 
needs.  
 
Mara writes:
 Next, Harry feels real connection to other people, including an 
 attachment to his parents who he only vaguely remembers, but whose 
 love and caring for him has been *internalized* by him -- this 
 internalization is key, I think.  Someone (Del?) wrote beautifully 
 about the possibility that the "opposite of a Horcrux" would mean 
 magically adding something to your soul through an act of (possibly 
 sacrificial) love (or, I would posit, deep attachment).  I think 
 that one way to think about this enhancing or adding to your soul 
is 
 in terms of the feeling you get when you are deeply connected to 
 someone else, and how this feels magical, and as if you are somehow 
 better as a result.  When you are changed this way as a result of a 
 relationship with another person, you have essentially taken in 
part 
 of that person -- kept them alive inside of you.  This makes Harry 
 immeasureably more powerful than LV.
 
 I believe that Harry has done this through his memory of his 
 parents, even has he has wrestled with his changing knowledge of 
his 
 father and reconciling that with the wished for father he had held 
 inside and which probably sustained him at the Dursleys.  This 
 internalized version of his parents is a bridge that allows him to 
 feel connected to Lupin and then, ultimately, to Sirius, initially 
 as links to his parents, but later, in their own right.  

Deb writes:
And I think the experience of the Mirror of Erised helped because he 
was able to see the physical resemblences through several 
generations ... including one old man who had Harry's knobby knees - 
plus of course James' unruly hair, and Lily's green eyes. I think 
this kind of kinship recognition would be a really powerful AHA 
experience "Yes! I do belong. I do fit into this family. These are 
my people".    
 
Mara writes:
 It was this basic appreciation for relationships (respect for what 
 the echo of Cedric asked of him, and a vague realization of what 
 this would mean for Cedric's parents) that led him to risk himself 
 to take Cedric's body back with him in GOF.  It allows him to 
 tolerate abuse and injustice at the hands of the ministry without 
 breaking because it anchors him.   This is reflected as well in his 
 feelings towards Dumbledore -- loyalty, love -- attachment to DD.  
 This is what, I believe, called Fawkes to Harry in the CoS.  It is 
 also, IMO, what caused Harry to smile and laugh at DD's funeral.  
 Even though DD was gone (won't get into what sort of gone or how 
 gone here ;-p), he is not *really* gone so long as others are still 
 loyal to him, attached to him.  He lives on in those who love him.
 
 These are the sorts of experiences that buffer someone who has 
lived 
 through unthinkable loss.   
 
 What is still vague for me is why Harry's capacity for attachment 
 holds so much more power than that of other people in the WW.  I 
 wonder if the clause "born to those who have thrice defied him" is 
 meaningful here.  Harry's parents also demonstrated great courage, 
 strength of character, loyalty and loving attachment -- maybe even
 rejecting the lure of LV (DD commented that Harry avoided being 
 seduced by the dark side, makes me wonder how others in the 
original 
 Order might have been approached by LV to join up) and escaping him 
 three times.  There is a chain being formed here, and maybe it's 
the 
 links in the chain all holding together -- generationally and 
 amongst peers who support one another, that will make all the 
 difference in the final confrontation.

Deb writes: I think this may be is another of JKR's magical 7s... I 
think that the line or prophecy you mentioned refers to not just 
Lily and James as a couple defying LV three times... but that Lily 
and James each defied him three times .... and the AK gone wrong 
makes Harry # 7 in this group of defiances.  My biggest fear for 
Harry is that he still does not completely understand that he MUST 
NOT use any Unforgiveable Curse because to do so would be to sink to 
LVs level and might cause damage to the pure and precious state of 
his soul. Fortunately his attempt to throw the Crucio Curse at 
Bellatrix did not do much because his soul is indeed too pure to 
generate the necessary hatred to fuel that curse. But he keeps 
trying... I think Snape's "No Unforgivable Curses for you, Potter" 
was on the order of a command and a warning. Harry needs to let go 
of his anger, find peace in his heart, and find out how to utilize 
his great power of love to defeat this manifestation of evil - LV.  
To the best of my knowledge we have never seen any of the OOP 
utilize a UC! Even Moody as Auror avoided that even when ordered by 
Crouch in the first war against LV to "terminate DEs with extreme 
prejudice". (paraphrasing again) 

 Mara writes: 
 It seems to me that the prophecy sets this up -- that LV in essence 
 chose Harry and in so doing, set things in motion for Harry to 
 develop these capacities in a more intense way than most.  Do 
others 
 think that this is what makes Harry the "chosen one?"
 
 Stepping back into the shadows now, but very happy to talk about 
 this with anybody who wants to :)
 
 Mara (who tried really hard not to sound like a psychologist, but 
 who probably still does... and who *loves* reading hpfgu :))

Deb writes: very nice post Mara! I hope to read more of your 
thoughts soon... no need to be shy... there are several 
psychologists - licensed and armchair varieties both - here on 
hpfgu - knowledgable discourse is always welcome 
  Deb