Apologies and responsibility

[Ceridwen]

No: HPFGUIDX 139211

Lady Indigo:
>1. Snape had important skills to teach Harry, and Harry never even 
>tried to tough these lessons out, in spite of how Dumbledore said they 
>were necessary.

>2. Harry intruded on a private and humiliating memory of Snape's and 
>never made a full attempt at apology for doing so.

>3. Harry never told Snape that what his father did was wrong and he is
>sorry, not for existing or in the name of taking on his father's deeds,
>simply *sorry that it happened to Snape.* Which, considering his 
>reaction to the memory, is true.

>4. Harry also never told Snape that to a degree Snape was right about 
>his father (but that Harry is NOT his father and should not be treated 
>the same way).

Ceridwen:
On point 1, I agree.  Even if Dumbledore has decided a year later that 
the lessons are not necessary, or even if he just gave up, Harry didn't 
put his full effort into them.  Maybe that year was the year he needed 
them.  In fact, it was.  That was the year that not Occluding his mind 
started the process which ended with Sirius dying at the MoM.  Positive 
result:  Fudge *had* to acknowledge that Voldemort was back, and 
several DEs were rounded up.

2.  Yes, I would have recommended that he apologize.  It was Harry's 
lesson, after all, not Snape's, and it was up to Harry to shield his 
mind.  And since we don't know if that was the full memory, or if there 
was more; or what the other memories extracted might have been, had 
they been left in Snape's mind, they could have been *very* disturbing 
to Harry to suddenly break in on them, not to mention Snape's problems 
with them.

3.  I don't think Snape gave Harry a chance to commisserate with him.  
I seem to recall that Harry might have tried.  But it's been a while 
since I've read OotP.  I thought it was too bad that they couldn't come 
to a meeting place on that one, since they both have experienced that 
sort of misuse by peers.  IMO, it was a chance missed, for both parties.
(and before someone says, yeah, but Snape *murdered Dumbledore*, he 
hadn't done so at that time, and Harry was never all that good at 
Divination)

4.  I can't see him saying Snape was in any degree *right* about his 
father, all he saw was one incident.  See number 3 for more.  However, 
saying that he could see what Snape meant is another thing altogether.  
And, Snape didn't give him the chance.  Remember, Harry still had to 
get over his own shock at the scene.

On apologizing at all, yes, I would recommend it to my kids.  I was 
raised on the 'be the bigger person no matter what' theory of manners, 
and I don't see where it did me any harm.  It costs nothing to 
apologize.  And, even from a Slytherin perspective, it could be 
beneficial down the road as well.

BUT!  I don't think Harry was able to.  He had a poor upbringing.  If 
Petunia taught him that he should be humble in any way, she probably 
browbeat it into him, making it that much less likely that Harry would 
do it, even grudgingly.  I'm not even sure he was taught manners at 
all.  It seems the only time he uses them, or is pleasant to people, is 
either with people his own age, or people who are very nice to him, 
like the Weasleys.  I think in Harry's case more than many others, he 
*must* be able to see someone being 'big' about something first before 
he reacts to it.

I think he was stunted in his social education to the point where he 
certainly would not have seen, or acknowledged, any reason to 
apologize, given Snape's attitude immediately afterwards, which IMO was 
somewhat understandable since Snape's feelings may well have been hurt, 
as much as Harry not wanting to apologize after being bombed with 
roaches.

I don't think either one of them is capable of 'taking the high road' 
now.  Harry has a lot of both healing and growing up to do.  I don't 
know if it would ever be possible for Snape - can someone so long 
damaged and so dislikeable on top of it, learn different after thirty-
something years?

Anyway, it's regrettable.  IMO, Harry *needs* to learn a lot more 
before he goes off to face Voldemort.  It would have been to his 
benefit to be able to apologize (if Snape would have given him room to 
do it before throwing roaches).  I just don't think Harry was able.  
Snape had something to offer, but was just incapable.  To Harry's 
detriment.

Ceridwen.