Apologies and responsibility

[pippin_999]

No: HPFGUIDX 139222


LupinLore:
  Any imputation of guilt to one party is, in effect, in the 
real world of real people interacting in real ways, taken as being an 
excuse for the other party.  It "shouldn't" be that way, if you think 
the world "should" be logical (and I don't see why it should be, but 
a lot of people evidently would like it to be that way).  And so, I'm 
afraid that asking for Harry to "rise above" the situation, or for 
posters not to answer the real-world implications of a certain 
position, is barking up an empty tree.

Pippin:
I admit that it would be expecting too much for Harry to
reach the high ground on his own. That's why I said it's what
I'd advise him to do if I were his mother -- that is, if it were
my responsibility to point out the moral high ground to him.

I'm not talking about Harry making a public apology, or even
an apology that Snape demanded, both of which, I admit,
might shift the dynamic between them in undesirable ways.

But an apology that wasn't asked for I think would have 
shocked Snape and might have made him question his
assessment that Harry is arrogant. Or at least it might
have made him feel that Harry didn't feel he would lose
any face by apologizing. The 'heap coals of fire on 
their heads' approach. 

I know that's too sophisticated for Harry to grasp, but I 
note that Dumbledore uses it with success on Petunia. 
Instead of blustering at the Dursleys, and threatening
to turn them into toads if they don't do his bidding,
he says he will ask only that they continue to offer 
Harry houseroom for one more year. And Petunia flushes
 -- the first  time we've ever seen her express any shame 
at all for the way Harry's been treated in her home. 

It's interesting that the question of apologizing comes up
in the pensieve memory itself. IIRC, James demands that
Snape apologize to Evans, and Evans says she doesn't want
*James* to make Snape apologize. It does sound though
as if she would have accepted an apology from Snape. 

Is that Snape's great regret? That he could have apologized
to her and never did? Should he have done so, though he
would have lost face in front of the Marauders?

Pippin