CHAPDISC: HBP5, An Excess of Phlegm

[kiricat4001]

No: HPFGUIDX 144206

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, "Sherry Gomes" 
<sherriola at e...> wrote:
>
> Marianne:
> 
> I think Harry's attitude towards Sirius is interesting in HBP.  He 
> clearly dreads the idea of talking about what happened when his 
> friends' conversation gets anywhere near Sirius or the events of 
his 
> death, as is evidenced in this chapter where Harry starts 
shoveling 
> eggs in his mouth hoping not to have to say anything. He doesn't 
> really know how to share his feelings of loss, even with those 
> people, like Tonks, who he thinks also might feel the same thing. 
> 
> And he resents or gets angry with people who he feels don't have 
any 
> right to make a claim on Sirius.  <snip>  With these people, Harry 
is almost possessive 
> of Sirius' memory, as if to say that, since they do nothing to 
show 
> honor or affection for Sirius, they have no right to even mention 
> his name.
> 
>    
> 
> Sherry now:
> 
> Unlike many others who felt Harry's grief was dealt with too 
neatly, i
> actually find all this very realistic.  When my dad died at only 
age 57, i
> was swamped in grief, and I did not talk about it.  I never let 
anyone, not
> even my siblings, see my pain.  I am the oldest, so part of my 
reaction was
> left over oldest child syndrome, being the strong one for the 
others, though
> we were all adults.  But it wasn't only that.  i resented anyone 
who might
> say something negative about my father, who didn't lead an 
exemplary life by
> any means.  i have rarely spoken of him since, and I miss him like 
crazy,
> especially when good or bad things happen and i want to share 
those things
> with him.  But it isn't in my nature to talk to people about my 
hurt, and my
> grief and missing of Dad is far too deep and painful to be 
something I would
> discuss with anyone.  I pull it into myself and deal with it alone.
> 
> So, i found Harry's reactions quite normal, especially shoveling 
the eggs in
> his mouth, not wanting to discuss it, even with Tonks, ready to 
hex anyone
> who says one bad thing about Sirius.  I found it far more 
realistic than an
> obviously emotional and grief-stricken Harry would have been.  and 
it is his
> style.  

Marianne: 

I had a similar situation in my own life, so, yes I, too can 
understand Harry's particular way of handling this.  And, as you 
say, unlike others, I also didn't see Harry's reactions as OOC. But, 
in another sense, I hate seeing him deal with this himself.  Again, 
my reaction is strongly colored by personal experience.  I did the 
same thing, when what I really wanted was for someone to acknowledge 
that maybe I wasn't dealing with it all that well, even though I 
wasn't outwardly emotional. Having people say something, anything, 
gave me the option of opening up about my grief, even if I chose not 
to take it.

I guess what bothers me about Harry's situation is that no one, 
other than DD, makes any mention of Sirius' death as a loss for 
Harry. While Ron, Hermione and Co., might think they're doing what 
Harry wants by not talking about it, even a clumsy "Gee, we're 
sorry" would give Harry an acknowledgement that they understand he's 
in pain and that they realize that Sirius' death is a very personal 
loss for him. Instead, Harry soldiers on alone, with his grief 
popping up in his own head in response to whatever is going on 
around him.

Marianne