Snape's abuse (Re: Would an "O" for Harry vindicate Snape?)

[lupinlore]

No: HPFGUIDX 131728

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, "Tonks" <tonks_op at y...> wrote:

> 
> I know it is not a popular idea in the U.S.; maybe there is still 
> hope for other countries.  But IMO!! a child should always treat an 
> adult with respect.  They do not have to like the person, they do 
> not have to suffer abuse, they do not have to like what the adult 
> does, but they do not have the right to act like a little snot!!  
> And that is how I interpret the phrase *he must deserve my respect, 
> before I give it*.  This type of respect is subjective.  One person 
> respects you and someone else doesn't.  So one can treat you like 
> Sh..t and the other bows at your feet.  I think NOT.
> 
> Sorry if this is a bit curt. It is one of my pet peeves against the 
> younger generation. 
> 
> Tonks_op

Well, complaining about the younger generation is a time-honored 
tradition, is it not?  :-)  I used to hate it when my parents did 
that.  But now that I've gotten old and fat and bald and my joints 
hurt and my stomach can't tolerate sweets any more I indulge in it 
just as often as they did.  Unfortunately, when I force myself to be 
honest I'm not at all sure most of what I have to say makes any more 
sense than the type of thing they used to come up with, all those 
years ago.  Much of it is that the world has just moved on and one is 
getting older and doesn't fit in with a lot of things anymore.  And 
the privileges one used to look forward to enjoying are now a thing 
of the past.  Or, as a dear friend once said, "just when I got old 
enough to expect deference, deference went out of fashion!"

Yes, people probably were more polite at one time than they are now.  
Yes, it would be very nice if there was a more widespread code of 
conduct involving a set of coded gestures of respect, coupled to a 
real sense of responsibility among those in power in a given 
situation.  It would even be very healthy, were such a thing present 
in reality.

But it isn't, and it really never has been.  Those in power insist on 
their privileges and rarely have felt the sense of obligation and 
responsibility that theoretically go with them.  The codes of 
deference and respect have always become a way for the powerful to 
keep their foot on the throat of those below them.  Priests, 
aristocrats, teachers, politicians, slave owners, and members of 
upper classes in general have screamed "RESPECT" and "SOCIAL ORDER" 
and "CIVILIZED SOCIETY" for centuries as an excuse to justify their 
own tyranny.  In my youth, it was true that people were more polite 
and respectful.  And those to whom respect was accorded almost 
universally abused their position right, left, and center.

So it would be nice if true mutual respect undergird by a sense of 
responsibility and commitment among the powerful existed.  But it 
doesn't, and it never really has.  The shedding of the more 
hypocritical codes of respect is a phenomenon that has been going on 
for centuries (it may have started after the American revolution when 
apprentices began to refuse to call their employer's "Master," 
and "Mistress" -- and oh did the employers complain about the lack of 
respect, being called a mere "sir"!).  It does make society cruder 
and more difficult and less -- aesthetically pleasing.  But it is 
also in the main an incredibly healthy trend.

When I young person refuses to accord me respect, I do get very 
angry.  But when it passes and I reflect on it, I am almost always 
forced to admit that they are probably in the right -- because I have 
not earned the respect I want to demand.


Lupinlore