JKR's dealing with emotions /Harry's grief over Sirius - realistic or not?

[Geoff Bannister]

No: HPFGUIDX 147455

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, "lupinlore" <rdoliver30 at ...> 
wrote:
>
> Jen D.:
> > L,
> > Given that your problems with how JKR handles a lot of issues, 
the 
> > question that begs to be answered is: What keeps you reading HP? 
I 
> > think that would be a far more illuminating discussion since none 
> > of us is going to be able to change the things that are lacking 
(in 
> > your view!).

Lupinlore:

> Well, why wouldn't I read it?  Will they be damaging to me just 
> because I may decide I don't like a lot about them?  Will they hurt 
> me if I find JKR's attempt at dealing with complex emotional issues 
> ham-fisted and unbelievable?  Will they damage me if, for instance, 
I 
> determine that they speak approvingly of child abuse?  Will my 
world 
> quake and shatter because JKR displeases me?  For goodness sake, 
it's 
> only a series of books!  

<snipped>

Geoff:
I think that one of the problems is that you appear to be expecting 
that every other member of the group will take your comments as ex-
cathedra and hence infallible and not negotiable.

I am quite willing to accept that you hold the position which you 
have expressed but I am not personally joining in the eight guffaws 
as a result and am not persuaded to your point of view.

On the subject of handling grief etc., several different views have 
been put forward by contributors and that, I think, would reflect the 
view of any sample in an opinion poll.

If I might speak personally, I grew up in a period when "boys didn't 
cry" and we were encouraged to keep our distress under wraps when we 
were feeling hurt. Neither of my parents, although caring and loving, 
were particularly demonstrative, so, at stressful times, I have often 
tended to appear rather unemotional and to suppress outward evidence 
of what I was feeling inside. When my mother - and later my father - 
died, I found it extremely difficult to express any feelings openly 
and initially even found it embarrassing to talk about it because I 
felt I was being hypocritical as I wasn't feeling overwhelmed by 
their loss. After several months, I managed to talk about my mother's 
death and my lack of deep feeling with a close (female) colleague at 
school which helped me to reach a closure but I can certainly see how 
Harry might not have openly shown his sense of grief and loss.

After all, as a child he had similarly learned to keep his head below 
the parapet with the Dursleys and internalise his feelings rather 
than be shouted at by Vernon or be mocked and bullied by Dudley. In 
his later years at Hogwarts Umbridge - and also Snape - have tried to 
hit him where it hurt emotionally and this has also increased his 
resolve not to let them see that they might be winning. Hence we have 
a Harry who wipes away a quiet tear when no one is around and tries 
his utmost to hold tears at bay even at the most stressful times.