[HPforGrownups] JKR's dealing with emotions - Talking about Death

[Shaun Hately]

No: HPFGUIDX 147472

On 1 Feb 2006 at 9:16, Kemper wrote:

> Kemper now:
> As much as I disagree with Lupinlore which is frequently, I agree with Steve
> even more.  Except this time.
> .
> The problem with Harry's coping of Sirius' death isn't that long,
> Shakespearean soliloquies are absent from the text, it's that Harry isn't
> shown waking with a tear-soaked pillow or something similar to show the
> reader the depth of Harry's loss and how he was hurting silently.  All JKR
> had to write was a short, simple sentence and it would have been
> clear.   But we didn't get that, we got some movie version of macho
> man-child, stiff upper-lip, "Sirius wouldn't want blahblah..." soliloquy
> that left the reader emotionally unsatisfied.

But the thing is, that isn't unrealistic. As I have said, I lost 
my father at a very similar age to Harry losing Sirius - and to 
be frank, I think my relationship to my father was far closer 
than Harry's was to Sirius'. But my reaction to my father's death 
was very similar to that shown by Harry to the death of Sirius.

I didn't wake with a tear-soaked pillow, or anything like that. 
With the exception of the initial shock of losing my father, the 
only times I cried were when I thought my mother needed me to. 
And I did adopt the view that my father would not have wanted me 
to fall apart, he'd have wanted me to get on with my life. 

And believe me, I wasn't any macho man-child. In fact, I was 
quite the opposite. This reaction didn't come from being macho, 
or anything like it.

I wasn't in a movie. This was my real life. This is how I 
reacted. Looking back on it, I wish I hadn't reacted that way - 
because long term, my lack of reaction hurt me. But it is the way 
I reacted.

And so the way Harry is depicted doesn't leave me unsatisfied. It 
impresses me that JKR can write grief in a realistic and non-
stereoypical way.

Would I have minded if she'd written it differently? No, not at 
all. Would I have minded if she'd written it in a stereotypical 
way - again, no I wouldn't, because some people *do* react in the 
stereotypical manner and there's absolutely nothing wrong with 
that. People react to grief and loss differently - and both in 
real life and in fiction, we shouldn't be expecting them to 
conform to our view of what is and isn't appropriate and normal.

It really does seem to me at times, that some people seem to 
think that there is something special and correct about the way 
they see the world - and that JKR gets something 'wrong' when she 
sees it differently. People are diverse - both JKR and the 
characters she writes fit that bill. Different people react 
differently to things, and they see things differently.

Different people grieve differently. And there's no right or 
wrong way to do it.

Yours Without Wax, Dreadnought
Shaun Hately | www.alphalink.com.au/~drednort/thelab.html
(ISTJ)       | drednort at alphalink.com.au | ICQ: 6898200 
"You know the very powerful and the very stupid have one
thing in common. They don't alter their views to fit the 
facts. They alter the facts to fit the views. Which can be 
uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the facts that 
need altering." The Doctor - Doctor Who: The Face of Evil
Where am I: Frankston, Victoria, Australia