[HPforGrownups] JKR's dealing with emotions - Talking about Death

[Karen]

No: HPFGUIDX 147549


On Friday, February 3, 2006, at 08:37 AM, Maria Vaerewijck wrote:

> Maybe JKR's grief is the same like Harry's that is why she expresses
> Harry's grief the way it is. If I would write a book I would write
> the grief of my characters the way I do as well.
>
> Well, am just glad that I found somebody's posting who understand
> Harry's grief well. Thanks bboyminn.
>
> I'm actually quite fed up reading the same opinion, criticizing
> Harry's grief over and over.
>
> maria8162001
>
>
>

kchuplis:

I think many of us feel this way. I think it's perfectly written, 
myself. But on a tangent, I was thinking last night, about Harry and 
Sirius in relation to what Sirius meant to Harry, brief though their 
association was. I know that when I lost my father, at least half of my 
grief was fro my mother and the other half was for my lost "safety 
net". I was 28 and certainly pretty independent at that point and yet, 
if there was ever going to be some trouble I needed help with, I *knew* 
my father was there and when he died, in less than a minute my world 
completely changed and I felt really vulnerable for the first time in 
my life. I'm sure all of us who have lost a parent can identify with 
this. Now, the last two years, I've become quite afraid of when I lose 
my mother. Sometimes after a conversation with her I kind of 
"pre-grieve" which is just awful and I just tell myself not to go 
there, but I know that when my mother dies, I will feel alone. 
Completely alone; no matter that I have friends and siblings, it isn't 
the same thing. The last vestiges of my feeling safe, the thing our 
parents give us (whether true in reality or not) will be gone.

Now, what is it like for someone who has grown up in an environment 
where you don't feel that way? Obviously, Harry never had that at all 
before entering the WW. The Dursley's simply didn't provide that kind 
of environment. Even tough love parents, or strict parents (or 
guardians) still provide the feeling that they are THERE in a capacity 
for you. So, enter Sirius who immediately, once the real reason for his 
presence in PoA is found, represents a figure, who was connected to his 
parents and broke out of a prison, swam a sea, lived on rats and in 
deploring conditions, basically to protect Harry.  For someone who was 
deprived of this growing up, I don't think it would take long at all to 
welcome that feeling of not being alone of having someone who would 
always back you up (whether you need that or not). This isn't an answer 
to anything about the Harry/grief for Sirius prospect, but it really is 
interesting to think about. Harry actually spent more "me" time with 
Sirius than he did with Dumbledore. As indicated in the first scene 
with him in HBP, Harry is uncomfortable with DD. He has never had an 
outside of Hogwarts conversation with him. DD has been much more 
involved with Harry than Harry with DD. So, in truth, despite the 
limited time with Sirius, it was still more "family" time than Harry 
had ever experienced before. It's just another something to think about 
in the whole scheme of things. I don't know if JKR ever thought that 
far into the subject and yet, I feel that really is part of the whole 
character relationship with Harry and Sirius.