[HPforGrownups] JKR's dealing with emotions - Talking about Death

[Maria Vaerewijck]

No: HPFGUIDX 147542

bboyminn:

>>> In real-life the best comfort is the silent company of our loved ones 
who are going through the same thing. Our pain is the measure of their grief. 
So, we sit in silence, and maybe if we are feeling 
brave, we engage in a reminiscence or two, then fall into silent 
grief again. 

They say talking about it makes you feel better, but it doesn't, at
least not in the short run. In the short run, talking about it bring
up an unbearable pain that no one would willingly face, and we see
this with Harry. He can maintain as long as he doesn't talk about it,
but as soon as the subject comes up, so does the unbearable pain. 
So he avoids the subject, and makes peace with the death in question in his own way and in his own time.

Perhaps even in the long run, the grief never truly subsides. I've
seen World War II veterans in their 70's who have stoically beared
their grief in silence for many decades to then be moved to tears by
talking about their war experiences. 

I find this very realistic writing. The beauty of Harry and his story
is that I can see real-life in them, and that makes the story far more
believable and far more powerful than grand satisfying speeches. <<<

  

maria8162001:
   
I agree with you about Harry's grief. I also could understand him 
well as I do grieved like Harry. I'm amazed at people who said that 
Harry's grief wasn't enough, how much more do they want? Everybody 
grieves differently. I have 6 siblings and I grieve differently from 
all of them. My siblings and the rest of my relatives likes to talk 
about it when they are grieving. I, on the otherhand do not want to 
talk about it because it hurt so much and it makes me cry whenever I 
start talking about the death of our love ones, so I just want them 
to leave me alone and deal with it on my own. My siblings and my 
relatives can talk with ease without really crying, just teary eyes
(the tears doesn't actually fall and it stays in their eyes). I 
cannot talk the way they do when grieving. They often think as well 
that the death of those close to us/me doesn't affect me, but I don't 
mind whatever they say because I know better than them. I do not 
parade/show my grief. I grieve in private, when I'm alone, when 
nobody sees me. I just want to be left alone. Which in my experience 
is not really good for the long run as it takes much longer to 
subsides or to lessen than if you talk about it or show it, I guess. 

The last death of the person close to me was in 1995 (my grandfather 
with whom I grew up). During the first 2 years of his death I 
never talked about it, not even to my husband. My husband and my 
children saw me cry on my grandfather's death only once and that's 
when the news of his death reached us.  When the tears stops, I do 
not know what to do or how I felt. It's only then that the shocking 
truth came to me that my grandfather whom I look up to as a father is 
gone. The emotion I felt was overwhelming and so I never wanted to 
talk about it to anybody. After 3 years I could talk about him a 
little bit but it still make me cry and until now almost 11 years 
after, it still hurt me and make me cry whenever I talk about him. 
My siblings and my aunts think I am too emotional. But it has 
nothing to do with being emotional. It has something to do with the 
death of my loved ones that still hurt me. With this kind of grief it 
takes longer to heal than the usual grief which others refer/expeienced 
(you can plainly see or read it on the postings, most prefer the other kind of grief). 
Grieving quietly or on your own 
take longer to subside than the usual as it is burried so deeply. But 
every individual's grief is different. Those who grieve 
quietly/silently appear to be fine outside but inside they are 
hurting so much just the same like the rest, only we cannot show our 
grief the way others do.

I've been seeing a lot of this postings about Harry's grief and it 
really shows that a lot of people do not understand how individuals' 
grief is different from person to person. Is it perhaps that there 
are not much silent griever? That there are not much people who 
doesn't want to talk about the lost of the person close to them?

Maybe JKR's grief is the same like Harry's that is why she expresses 
Harry's grief the way it is. If I would write a book I would write 
the grief of my characters the way I do as well.

Well, am just glad that I found somebody's posting who understand 
Harry's grief well. Thanks bboyminn. 

I'm actually quite fed up reading the same opinion, criticizing 
Harry's grief over and over.

maria8162001