Respecting the Dursleys( was:Re: Hi everyone -- banning the books)

[jdl3811220]

No: HPFGUIDX 159858

> Magpie:
> Of course she would.  I would say Dudley and Draco were raised
> with different values than Harry would have been, but I am very 
> disturbed by the casual judgment that the love of these mothers is
> somehow inferior to Lily's or Molly's--especially Molly given that 
> there are plenty of people in fandom who think Molly's a nightmare
> of a mother, one that pushes all their buttons (they tend to get >
> into arguments with other fans who see Molly as what Good Mothers 
> Are Supposed To Be Like).  
> 
> One of the interesting things about the HP-verse is that there 
> really are no truly happy families--except the Potters who got
> that way by dying.  Even the Weasleys currently have a painful
> rift going on--one that some people are happy to dismiss as just a 
> cuckoo in the nest turning out to be a DE but which seems to me
> much more realistically described as pointing to some of the long-
> running flaws in the Weasley family.  I am not, of course, trying 
> to suggest the Weasleys are the worst family in canon by a long 
> shot. But while love is obviously a great power in this universe, 
> it's not a protection against pain, misery or bad behavior.
 
-m

The twins and others have said that Molly knows how to 'push all 
their buttons'. Well, in my opinion she KNOWS her family well so she 
knows what buttons to push! My mom knew exactly what buttons to push 
with me. Still does, drives me nuts! But she loves me, is good to me 
and wants the best for me. She does what she does out of love and 
concern for me. She is human and makes mistakes. No mother is 
perfect but she's pretty darn close. Strong willed and determined, 
but sweet and loving too. 

Any mother who is halfway decent would give their life for their 
child. I think the books play up Lily's sacrifice for Harry way too 
much. I agree that Petunia would more than likely give her life for 
Dudley. But I don't agree that Petunia (or Vernon)is a good parent - 
at all. 

Petunia is suspicious, rude, intolerable of anything slightly not 
normal, and so wrapped up in her own little world, she is missing 
out on life! It's truly sad! Her whole world revolves around just 
her little niche in it. She doesn't have a life outside of #4 Privet 
Drive, so she spies on the lives of others from her window looking 
out on the world that she has chosen to isolate herself from. She 
could go out, play bridge with the girls, make friends and have tea. 
But she closes herself into her little cocoon. 

Why Petunia does this, we don't know. Her parents could very well 
have favored Lily. But we don't know that for certain. We do know 
that they were proud of Lily for her abilities, as any parent should 
be when their child succeeds at something. They should encourage and 
praise them! We know that Lily was known to be a good person - kind 
and good hearted (according to those in the WW who knew her and 
James). However, we DO know that Petunia refers to her own sister, 
her own flesh and blood, as a freak! If my sister called me a freak, 
I would certainly not be all too fond of her! Petunia's refusal to 
accept anything 'different' and 'abnormal' speaks volumes about the 
kind of person she is. 

I have a son with Autism. He is about as 'different' from 
society's "norm" as can be. He thinks differently, perceives 
differently and I swear it even seems sometimes like he's from 
another planet his ways are so 'alien'! I had to learn to speak his 
language, operate according his customs and burst through those 
language and perception barriers around him to get into his world 
and his head and slowly bring him out of himself and into our world. 
It's been a slow process, but he's doing well. 

When I read of the Dursley's shunning and mistreating Harry, and 
looking down their noses at anything/anyone different or 'abnormal', 
I think of my son and how people (like the Dursleys) treat him 
because he is different. I've encountered them many times in my 
life. They are pathetic! How totally ignorant and stupid they are!! 
I just hope that eventually they stop procreating and the world is 
rid of those kinds of close minded idiots!

One could argue that Harry is a constant reminder to Petunia of her 
parents' 'supposed' favor of Lily. But that is so very petty and 
small of her! To think that she and Vernon would mistreat a child! 
It's just so horrible, and they are horrible people for doing so, in 
my opinion. And to allow Dudley to treat Harry so horribly too is 
twice as horrible of them! 

If they couldn't properly care for Harry the way he desperately 
needed them to, they should have sent him to an orphanage where he 
could have been given to people who desperately wanted a child! Or 
contacted Dumbledore and insisted he find someone else to care for 
Harry. They should never have kept him. Living with them has been 
horrible for Harry!

Also what angers me is what they have done to Dudley. They haven't 
shown Dudley that the choices he makes have consequences. He thinks 
that the whole world and universe revolves around him. That whatever 
he wants should just be handed to him - and handed to him 
IMMEDIATELY! He is spoiled, pampered, a bully to those who dare to 
stand in the way of what he wants, and extremely self-centered. He 
surrounds himself with people are also bullies but who are easily 
manipulated. He loves being the center of attention and will do 
anything to keep the focus on himself. He's always been center 
stage, so he must keep the spotlight on himself. If it isn't, his 
world turns upside down because that is what he's always known. 
Anything else is unfamiliar, different (which is not tolerable in 
his world) and must be made to conform to what he's been taught. 

This is the fault of Petunia and Vernon! Vernon yells and bullies 
people so therefore Dudley does the same thing. He lives by example, 
mirroring his father. Petunia overindulges Dudley, gives him 
anything he wants and therefore feeds the idea that the world is 
there to serve him. What a slap in the face Dudley is going to get 
when he goes out into the real world to get a job or even apply for 
one and finds out he must compete with others and comply with what 
his superiors want or be fired. He must do what they say instead of 
doing his own thing. 

I don't fault Dudley. He is who he is because that is what has been 
drilled into him from birth. He's been brought up to think the world 
should be handed to him on a golden, diamond studded platter. He's 
in for a very rude awakening.

Molly Weasley IS a good mother figure. She has a wonderful heart 
for others. She is supportive of her husband and shows genuine 
affection for him , both to him and in front of her children and 
others. She is human so she'll make mistakes, but she always tries 
to do the right thing by her kids. She adores them, the twins too! 
She didn't approve of the Joke Shop thing and tried to steer them 
away from it. Being a mom, I would have too! It wouldn't seem like a 
very wise investment to me either. But she does support their 
decision when they go against her advice as adults and open one up 
anyway. You can show your children the way you feel they should go, 
but when they are grown, you have to let go. Molly did.

Molly loves her children, accepting their different personalities 
and quirks but she also disciplines them. (Like having them de-gnome 
the garden or peel potatoes without using magic or being grounded). 
She doesn't just let them have their way. They have to answer to her 
for their misbehavior - as well they should. She is a 
disciplinarian, but she is also respectful and kind. Truly a lady! 

She has a life, contributing to a wonderful cause! Though her family 
is her top priority, she has other interests outside her home. She 
lives her life, doesn't shut herself up in her little Burrow. 

Concerning the 'rift' - as far as Percy is concerned, I just have 
this gut feeling that he isn't acting of his own free will at the 
present time. I think he is being controlled by the Imperius Curse 
by someone who has been placed inside the ministry by the DE's. I 
think this because all the way through the books (though he may have 
been a little bit more stand-offish than the others) he has always 
been supportive of Harry, friendly even. And he's always loved his 
parents and shown them respect. Then all the sudden in book 5 he's 
moved out and turned on Harry? I don't buy it at all!! 

Something happened during the summer after Crouch Sr. was killed. 
Someone got to Percy and did SOMETHING to him. What I don't know, 
but something happened.

Sometimes I think it's Scrimgeour. He seems like another Crouch Sr. 
to me. Acting before thinking things through (like putting Stan 
Shunpike in jail. It's the kind of thing Crouch Sr. would have 
done.) Percy is his personal assistant, so I understand his being 
right with Scrimgeour all the time. But Scrimgeour gives me the 
creeps, don't know exactly why but he does. I can't bring myself to 
believe that Percy has really turned his back on his family - or 
Harry. I think Scrimgeour (or someone) has done something to him.
 
I have no respect for the Dursleys whatsoever. I don't think Harry 
owes them one single thing. Well yeah, come to think of it I do 
think he owes them one thing - a darn good hex when he finally is 
able to leave them behind for good.

Jenni from Alabama