Sexy Witch Roll Call (was: Snape as Neville's teacher / JKR's sexy men roll call)

[Dave Hardenbrook]

No: HPFGUIDX 168496

As a male HP fan, I demand equal time for the delectable *ladies* of
the Potterverse!  Granted, there are fewer of them in Canon, and indeed
some of my entries are historic or offstage personae whose sex appeal is only
hypothetical.  But if I were to put together a female HP pinup calendar to
compliment the one of the guys, here's what it would look like:

January: Madam Rosemerta
  The classic barmaid!  If she looks anything (as I surmise) like the
  waitresses at "Gulliver's", no wonder Ron fancies her!  I put
  her in January because her mead and butterbeer will keep you warm
  in winter. :)  (Look elsewhere if you seek Imperious Curse-fighting
  strength of character, though.)

February: Andromeda Tonks
  We know virtually nothing about her at this point, but I imagine
  her as like her daughter, but a bit more graceful and stately, like
  the classical princess who shares her name.  I still hold out hope
  she may play a role in _DH_ (with a connection to "Perseus Evans"??)

March: Madame Maxime
  Based on "Hagrid's Tale", while stately and matronly, she's also
  very brave and magically agile.  And let us not forget that she's
  "an excellent dancer"!

April: Hestia Jones
  This is probably the most speculative in my line-up, but
  her classical namesake is Goddess of the Hearth, suggesting a
  warm and hospitable personality.  And "pink-cheeked and
  black-haired" is encouraging too. :)

May: Celestina Warbeck
  The songs she sings in _HBP_ suggest to me the sorceress version
  of Peggy Lee, who could really belt them out(!), and yet also had
  her tender side.  (It was Peggy's tearful pleading that persuaded
  Disney to let Trusty live at the end of _Lady and the Tramp_.)

June: Rowena Ravenclaw
  "Fair Ravenclaw from glen" -- All this and brains too!

July: Helga Hufflepuff
  "Sweet Hufflepuff, from valley broad", who vows to "teach the lot,
  and treat them just the same".  (It seems appropriate somehow to
  put her in the month of our hero's birth!)

August: Elladora Ketteridge
  Granted this is a real stretch, since I don't think she's even
  Canon: She's depicted on a wizard card in the computer game.
  However, my excuse for her inclusion is that since there
  are things in the computer games that were later "Canonized"
  in the books (e.g. Fire Crabs and _Diffindo_), I'm assuming Jo
  was consulted on the games, and that Elladora can be considered
  "Virtually Canonical".  So, according to the wizard card, she is
  the discoverer of Gillyweed, and looks like Glynis Johns in
  the film, _The Court Jester_.

September: The Mermaid in the Prefect's Bathroom
  No comment.  :)

October: The Weird Sisters
  True, they're shown as a boy band in The-Film-That-Must-Not-Be-
  Named, but I think Jo meant them to be named after the three sisters
  in The-Scottish-Play-That-Must-Not-Be-Named, so my Gen-X mind sees
  them as the witch equivalent of the Bangles, or maybe Josie and the
  Pussycats. :)

November: Fleur Delacour
  The alluring semi-Veela, whose love for her man goes deeper than
  meets the eye!  (And I can't resist French girls!)

December: Nymphadora Tonks
  I've saved the best for last!!  Sweet, sprightly, sassy, and with a
  loving heart!  Honorary big sister to the Weasleys and source of
  comfort to a tormented middle-aged werewolf!  (Also previously
  reported in HP fandom as the inventor of "The Dance of the Seven
  Noses".) :)


Dave