Gringotts Speaks Out

[Mike]

No: HPFGUIDX 179317

>From the Desk of Ragnok,
Chairgoblin, Gringotts
______________________________________________________________

An Open Letter to the Ministry of Magic and All Wand-Carriers

The Goblin Guild would like to formally thank those wizards
responsible for the downfall of Lord Voldemort and his minions.
We would welcome any oppurtunity to aid in the prosecution and
incarceration of the perpetrators of the usurption of goblin
control of the Gringotts Bank for Magical Creatures.
<glad that's done, so much for the ugly business of being nice>


Now, Gringotts' Board has decided to make some changes in it's 
procedures and this letter is your official notification.

Some background. In the past, wizards have demanded access to their 
Gringotts vaults through various services. For instance, we recently 
received this letter:

*****
Sharon: Perhaps they have an account at the grocery store that's 
linked to the Black vaults ^1
*****

Well, sure we've provided this and other services. Through simple 
access charms we've allowed you wand-wielders to link your accounts 
to many different merchants. I seem to recall that this Mr. Black 
even bought a Firebolt Racing Broom through his link to Quidditch 
Quality Supplies. 

<And your Minister Fudge tried to castigate us for allowing a 
fugitive access to his account. Well, Mr. Fudge, it was his money, 
not yours. And it turns out he wasn't guilty after all, was he? By 
the way, how's that job cleaning floors at your Ministry going? 
Hehehe>

Then, we get other letters, like this one:

*****
lizzyben: But then, in SS, HAGRID actually has the key to the 
Potters' bank vault. How'd that happen? Presumably, Hagrid got the 
key from Dumbledore. Now, how would Dumbledore get the key to the 
Potters' bank vault?
*****

Now wait just a minute. How exactly is it Gringotts fault that you 
stick-swingers can't keep track of your own damn keys? What do we 
have to do, duct tape them to your arms?

It seems we can't win. First you demand easy access to your accounts, 
then you bitch about our security procedures when it's your poor 
security at fault. Well, NO MORE.

>From this day forward, since you are so proud of those wooden wonders 
that you won't allow to us goblins, Gringotts will require all 
wizards and witches to present those same wands to gain access to 
your treasures that we guard. Each vault will be re-charmed to open 
only at the command of a Gringotts Goblin who is touching the wand of 
the tree-toter that owns the treasure within that vault. Gringotts 
will begin re-registration immediately. Bring in your lumber, people.

<< Of course, if the wizarding community would like to "share the 
secrets of wand-lore with other magical beings" (^3), we may consider 
re-evaluating these new requirements. <evil grin>>>

By the way, you owe us one dragon!

Sincerely,
Ragnok, who is through playing around with these kindling keepers
_________________________________________________________________

Mike, who only translates from the original goblin. So don't blame 
the messenger. ;)


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^1 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/179281
^2 http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/179247
^3 Deathly Hallows, "The Wandmaker", CH 24, p. 488, US Ed.