Lupin and Tonks WAS: I am so happy. There is a gay - Triumph & Tragedy

[Dana]

No: HPFGUIDX 178396

Marianne:
<snip>
> Me, too.  And I see this in a completely different light. I think 
> this could also be seen as Lupin realizing he has again fallen into 
> the pattern he's always shown, which is to allow himself to do what 
> makes other people happy, not necessarily what he wants or thinks 
> is the right thing to do.  Tonks practically lassoed him in the 
> Hospital scene in HBP, and everyone else stood around, taking her 
> side, and telling Remus basically that the way he felt or thought 
> was wrong, that Tonks's feelings were right. She loved him, and he 
> was bound to accept that and sail off into the sunset with her, 
> only later allowing himself to voice his real feelings, that the 
> whole thing was a dreadful mistake.

Dana:
Sure it is one way of reading it but then he apparently fell right 
back into it after Harry yelled at him, right? He still went back to 
Tonks before the baby was born and stated for the record that Harry 
was right and that he should never have left in the first place. 
Besides babies do not spring out of nowhere so if he really had his 
doubts about the relationship, enough to hold it off at first, why 
did he let himself be persuaded to have sex with Tonks in the first 
place? I doubt that there was a crowd cheering him on to consummate 
his relationship with Tonks. 

Besides I do not think that JKR went for the idea that love is 
something that you can be talked into if you actually do not want to 
or that she had her epitomes of righteousness (Molly and Arthur) to 
persuade Remus into loving Tonks if he had never given any indication 
of their being mutual feelings. 
Everything they do is right and therefore I do not think that JKR 
showing Remus having difficulty accepting his own role as husband and 
father, to be a reflection on Remus's lack of feelings for Tonks. 

To be honest, I actually think Remus going back to Tonks was meant to 
indicate that he had come to terms with his own position and 
embracing both the role of husband and father. To me, it was supposed 
to be an indication that Remus finally had the courage to not let his 
lycanthropy get in the way as he had done so many times before.  His 
personal weaknesses have always been directly related to his 
affliction of being a werewolf and, to me, Remus going back to Tonks 
was actually an indication that for once in his life it was not the 
predominant factor for his actions.  

Everything that is shown of why Remus had his doubts was directly 
related to his "furry" problem and nothing to do with his personal 
feelings for Tonks herself. Every single thing we see him utter is 
about how him being a werewolf, would have a possible negative effect 
on Tonks, due to her marring a werewolf, and the implications it 
might bring for their baby. 

For instance at Harry's birthday this happens when it is announced 
that the Minister for Magic is on his way; 

Chapter 7 "The Will of Albus Dumbledore"

>"We shouldn't be here," said Lupin at once. "Harry—I'm sorry—I'll 
explain another time—"
He seized Tonks's wrist and pulled her away; the reached the fence, 
climbed over it, and vanished from sight. Mrs. Weasley looked 
bewildered.<

After this announcement he immediately grabs Tonks and heads on out. 
He doesn't want other people to be associated with him when the 
social climate against half-breeds has become increasingly more 
hostile. He no longer wants to be a burden to anyone and get's out as 
fast as he possibly can (Taking Tonks with him).


Chapter 11 "The Bribe"

>"Don't you understand what I've done to my wife and my unborn child? 
I should never have married her, I've made her an outcast!"

***

You don't know how most of the Wizarding world sees
creatures like me! When they know of my affliction, they can barely 
talk to me! Don't you see what I've done? Even her own family is 
disgusted by our marriage, when parents want their only daughter to 
marry a werewolf? And the child—the child—"

***

"My kind don't usually breed! It will be like me, I am convinced of 
it—how can I forgive myself when I knowingly risked passing on my own 
condition to an innocent child? And if, by some miracle, it is not 
like me, then it will be better off, a hundred times so, without a 
father of whom it must always be ashamed!"<

Nothing Remus says here has any baring on his personal feelings for 
Tonks. Everything he actually says is in direct relation to his 
lycanthropy, the social implications of this affliction and the 
difficulties it brings or might bring for his wife and his unborn 
child. 
It is all about the lack of social acceptance they might endure 
because of what HE IS and that he even feels that it has caused a 
riffed between her and her parents due to her marrying a werewolf. 

He never so much states that his marriage was a mistake because he 
let himself be talked into it or that he did not actually love Tonks 
all that much. If that was really his point of hesitation or doubt 
then he actually still didn't speak his mind about his feelings now 
did he? 

To me, this screams that he actually loves her so much that he feels 
selfish for allowing her to get close to him because his affliction 
will surely ruin both her and their unborn child's life. That is was 
wrong for him to love anyone in this way because it will only bring 
them the misfortune and unhappiness he has known his whole life. He 
feels it is for their best interest if he disappears so that they do 
not have to face the consequences of being associated on such a 
personal level with a werewolf. He hopes to achieve that Tonks will 
just deny his existence by walking out on her and that it will save 
them both (Tonks and baby) from the public shame they are bound to 
endure because of him. 

Remus still eliminates himself from playing an active part in the 
relationships (romantic and none-romantic alike) he has by trying to 
make himself invisible and ignoring the responsibilities he himself 
has in his connection to others. 
He not only denies himself a full life but he denies himself to 
others as well. He could have provided more balance to the marauders 
dynamic and if he had spoken out more freely he probably would never 
have been excluded so profoundly in the end and it would have 
actually prevented both his own personal anguish and that of a close 
friend(s). 
Tonks marriage to him was already public knowledge so eliminating 
himself would not have any real baring on Tonks social status and 
instead of thinking that together they could face whatever is thrown 
at them, he depends on others to actually protect what is his to 
protect. 

In all these cases the inability to embrace himself, has actually 
caused more heartache then his behavior was supposed to prevent and I 
whole heartily believe that JKR meant for Remus to realize this after 
his fallout with Harry and why he eventually went back to Tonks. Not 
because he couldn't be a good father any other way then pretending to 
be happily married but because he truly realized that he himself 
could only be happy if he for once in his life stopped letting other 
people's opinions about him be the course of his actions. So in other 
words that it mattered not what the rest of the world might or might 
not think of him or about the people who wanted to be associated with 
him. It was okay for him to acknowledge both his wife and his own son 
and to be proud to be a husband and dad regardless of anything else 
he might be. 

And although I totally agree that his relationship with Tonks was not 
well written, I think the problems we see him go through were less 
about his romantic relationship but more about the perceptions he had 
about himself in relation to his lycanthropy. It was about Remus 
finally accepting that he is not just merely a werewolf but also a 
human being and that by allowing himself to be a husband and dad that 
he embraced both in harmony. By denying one he actually denied both. 

Just my two cents and humble opinion of course. 

Dana