Changes I would make

[Steve]

No: HPFGUIDX 177390

---  "eggplant107" <eggplant107 at ...> wrote:
>
> Sometimes I like to fantasies I'm JKR's editor and
> what I'd do to change her text. ...
> 
> The scene is right after Harry demonstrates the 
> enormous power of the Elder wand by fixing the 
> supposedly unfixable Phoenix feather wand and Harry 
> says he doesn't want to keep the Elder Wand and 
> intends to return it to Dumbledore's tomb:
> 
> Hermione-
> 
> "I don't think that will work Harry."
> 
> Dumbledore's Portrait-
> 
> "Unfortunately Hermione is right Harry. Even if you
> don't use it you are still the master of the Elder 
> Wand and ever will be, and now everybody knows all
> about it. ..."
> 

bboyminn:

A fair thought, but ask yourself this, how does 
'everyone' know about it? The only people in the room
are Harry, Ron, and Hermione plus the portraits. So
who is to say the version they give the Wizard World
is the version they decide on in the Head's office? 

Do you really see this announcement in the paper the
next day -

"Harry Potter is the Master of the Elder Wand which
he was conveniently place in Dumbledore's tomb which
experience has shown is relatively easy to rob. Of
course, no one would dare kill the hero Harry and
steal the Wand, and thereby become the Wand's new 
master and an near-invincible all-powerful wizard
capable of dominating and ruling the wizard world."

Seem a little too much like handing the plan to 
ambitious bad guys.

More likely, it went like this -

"Harry Potter, the know Master of the Elder Wand, has
decided for the sake of the peace and stability of 
the Wizard World that the Wand should be destroyed.
Consequently, the Wand was snapped in several places
then burned to ashes and it's ashes scattered in the
lake at Hogwart's School."

So, my point is, what happens in the Head's office
is not public knowledge. Only three people actually
know what happened to the Wand after the fact, and I
don't think they are telling.


> Eggplant:
>
> In the Epilog the first thing I'd do is erase the 
> last 3 words, "all is well" it is a little too much
> like "and they lived happily ever after" ... I'd say
> that as Harry walked along Platform 9 3/4 he did so 
> with a slight limp, and then when he waves his 
> departing son goodbye he does so "with his good hand".
>  ...
>  

bboyminn:

I can actually see the appeal of this. In a sense,
we could reasonably speculate that it is somewhat
unrealistic for Harry to have escaped without a 
scratch on him. And, it does make the moment very
touching.

However, we would then have to add those injuries
to the earlier parts of the story to document them.
Harry couldn't just suddenly appear with injuries
unless you are going for a 'Moody thing' were these
are injuries Harry has accumulated in his work as
an Auror. In a sense, we see the price of a life
spent as a noble hero. 

> Eggplant"
>
> And by the way, in book 6 when Slughorn says the 
> fumes from the Love Potion rise in a characteristic
> spiral pattern I'd change it to "a characteristic 
> helical pattern.
> 

bboyminn:

I think one of the first rules of writing is 'don't
use a fancy word when a simple word will do'. Don't
use 'circumambulate' when what you really mean is
'walk around'.  Certainly do use your vocabulary if
you have it, but it should clarify not obscure.

Just a few thoughts.

Steve/bboyminn