Changes I would make

[Steve]

No: HPFGUIDX 177499

---  "Zara" <zgirnius at ...> wrote:
>
> > Carol responds:
> > What I do find distracting in JKR's is a tendency to
> > write unattributed dialogue, so that I'm sometimes 
> > unsure who is speaking.
> > ...
> 
> zgirnius:
> Here's a doozy of the genre...who killed Charity 
> Burbage? ... some readers' first impression was Snape.
> 
> > DH, "Dark Lord Ascending":
> > "Severus...Please...Please..."
> 
> <snip paragraph long rant by Voldemort about Professor
> Burbage's sins>
> 
> > "Nobody laughed this time: There was no mistaking 
> the anger and contempt in Voldemort's voice. For the
> third time, Charity Burbage revolved to face Snape. 
> Tears were pouring from her eyes into her  hair. 
> Snape looked back at her, quite impassive, as she 
> turned slowly away from him again.
> 
> > "Avada Kedavra."
> 
> > The flash of green light illuminated every corner
> of the room. Charity fell, with a resounding crash, 
> onto the table below, which trembled and creaked. 
> Several of the Death Eaters leapt back in their 
> chairs. Draco fell out of his onto the floor."
> 
> > "Dinner, Nagini," said Voldemort softly, and the 
> great snake swayed and slithered from his shoulders 
> onto the polished wood."
> 
> zgirnius:
> I tend to hold with my initial reading that it was 
> Voldemort. He is not said to have put away his wand,
> and he used it to waken Charity, and later silence 
> her pleas. He is angry with her. ... Yet it is true 
> that focus moves from Voldemort to Snape, and only 
> then do we get the line "Avada Kedavra", unattributed.
>

bboyminn:

This is what I refer to as Scene Implied Dialog. The
scene tells us who the actor is.

In a very simplistic illustration -

Harry walked into the room and saw Ron lying on the
sofa. 

"I thought you were going to work today?"

Ron threw down his magazine and turned toward Harry.

"I thought you were going to shut today?"


OK, that's not a great scene, but the action of the
characters implies who is speaking. In the scene in 
question we must ask who the primary actor is. In
a sense we are asking who is the most active and
dominant player?

The short scene begins with Voldemort -

"Nobody laughed this time: There was no mistaking 
the anger and contempt in Voldemort's voice. ..."

Other minor inactive characters are mention, but
then 'Avada Kadavra' and Voldemort closes the scene
with -

"Dinner, Nagini," said Voldemort softly,..."

It seems clear that the /active/ focus is on
Voldemort, therefore, logically Voldemort is the
actor. Voldemort killed Burbage.

Sometimes if we try to look too deep for hidden 
meaning, we miss the obvious meaning. 

Voldemort is the primary player in this scene, all
other are mentioned in a much more passive sense. 

At least that's how I see it now, and that is how
I interpreted it when I read it.

Steve/bboyminn