Lupin's behavior (Was: CHAPDISC: DH11, The Bribe)

[julie]

No: HPFGUIDX 180620

 
> a_svirn:
 
> 
> Lupin came to Harry to offer his services, yes. If Harry could not 
> accept them, because he felt he would be doing Lupin and Tonks 
> disservice, he should have said so like an adult he claimed to be, 
> not throwing ridiculous accusations he didn't really mean. Of 
course, 
> if he really were disgusted with Lupin, if he really thought him 
the 
> worst sort of coward and really was ashamed of him then and only 
then 
> he should have spoken his mind. But we know he didn't. He only did 
it 
> so that Lupin and Tonks would reconcile. Harry insulted the man who 
> just offered to lay his life for him, and who had risked the said 
> life for him on a number of occasions and for what? So that Lupin 
> would feel ashamed, return to his wife, kiss and make-up.  What a 
> self-righteous and utterly juvenile thing to do. Not to mention 
> ungrateful. 
>

Julie:
I thought Harry just got fed up with Lupin's self-pity (I
know I groaned when once AGAIN Lupin started going on about
how he was ruining everyone's life--want a lifetime supply
of cheese to go with that lifelong whine you've been indulging
in Lupin?). And I also got the impression that Harry thought
of his own parentless life, and heard in Lupin's words intent
to abandon *his* child to a fatherless existence. 

Let me quote (thanks, Carol): "And the child--the child--
[Remus pulls out handfuls of his own hair.] My kind don't 
usually breed! it will be like me. I am convinced of it. 
How can I forgive myself, when I knowingly risked passing 
on my own condition to an innocent child! And if by some
miracle, it is not like me, then it will be better off, 
a hundred times so, without a father of whom it must be
ashamed!"....

"It will be better off, a hundred times so, without a 
father of whom it will be ashamed!" does not translate
to me as "I want to help you so that my child can grow
up safe and secure" but rather as "I want to run away
and hide from my potential pain, never mind if that will
cause even more pain for my child than staying."

Harry knows what the pain of abandonment feels like, 
and I don't see why anyone would blame him for losing
his temper with Lupin. And yes, his accusations aren't
completely accurate, and he said things he really didn't
mean, but isn't that what losing your temper is all 
about? It's not about rational discourse, just as words
spoken out of fear or desperation (Lupin) aren't either. 

I'd also point out that courage isn't just a physical 
thing. Lupin isn't afraid to face Voldemort or to die.
He IS afraid to take a chance on loving someone, be it
his wife, his child, or the son of an old friend. He'd
rather avoid any intimacy, as he so often did with Harry,
taking any choice away from that other person involved, 
all to protect himself and avoid emotional pain. That is
giving in to fear, and that is cowardly, IMO. On that 
one I think Harry was right on the mark. He could have 
said it in a kinder way, he could have said it without
involving his own emotions, but again what is losing your
temper but involving your emotions and abandoning your
rationality?

Julie, who really wanted to kick Lupin in the butt while
reading this scene.