Under the influence

[eloise_herisson]

These thoughts did arise as a result of the alcohol thread (I was in 
pursuit of a facetious theory that DD dies of Absinthe poisoning, but 
it was a green light, not green liquid). In fact they're unrelated.

On reading through the scene in the cave again I was struck as I was 
the first time by Dumbledore's peculiar ravings as he drinks the 
potion. Now clearly we're meant to think that he's suffering delusions 
brought on by the potion, or that he's simply referring to the way the 
potion's making him feel. But this is JKR and I wonder, I really 
wonder. What better way to slip in some memories and make Harry think 
that it's Dumbledore speaking for himself rather than recalling someone 
else's words?

"I don't want to...don't make me...don't like...want to stop...No...I 
don't want to...I don't want to...let me go...Make it stop, make it 
stop. No, no, no...no...I can't...I can't, don't make me, I don't want 
to..."

So far so good. This could easily just refer to drinking the poison. 
But then...

"It's all my fault, all my fault, he sobbed, "please make it stop, I 
know I did wrong, oh, please make it stop and I'll never, never 
again..."

Delusion or memory? And if a memory, who's saying it? Doesn't sound 
like something Dumbledore would say to me.

"Please, please, please, no...not that, not that, I'll do anything...No 
more, please, no more. I want to die! I want to die! Make it stop, make 
it stop, I want to die! KILL ME!"

Now to be honest, it doesn't actually sound like anyone in particular, 
except for perhaps Crouch Sr in his madness. It *does* possibly sound 
like someone being Crucio'd. But again, Dumbledore isn't likely to have 
said such things under Crucio, let alone have administered one (could 
have witnessed one, I suppose). Could he actually be recalling the 
words of someone in a deep emotional turmoil on learning the 
consequences of something they've done? In JKR doublespeak, "Make it 
stop!" could just as easily mean "Prevent this consequence from 
happening!" as "Stop this torture!"

Could this be a continuation of that argument Hagrid overheard? Could 
it be a combination of that and another, similar conversation, sixteen 
odd years earlier?

Is *this* the proof of which Dumbledore has been so reticent? That 
Snape came to him willing to die for what he'd done? 

~Eloise