'Twas etc. part 3

[Barry Arrowsmith]

"Oh, for Merlin's sake! Not you?"

"Yes. It is I - Sirius Black.
I bring a warning that being a brain-box and sexy-beast will not save  
you from an awful fate!"

"Come off it! Brain-box? You? I've seen more intelligent milk  
puddings. As for sexy - huh. Get a lot of customers like you - all  
gob and no gobble, if you know what I mean."

"Er, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about . I'm here  
to show you the misery you are inflicting on others through your  
thoughtlessness and vindictiveness. Just as I once did. Look!"

More vapour formed, then thickened and began to glow. An image formed.

A cell in Azkaban. A red-haired figure is trying to carve a  
broomstick out of the bed-frame using only a sharpened tooth-brush  
and the pin on a rusty 'SPEW' badge. "She needs me, she really does,"  
he mutters, "I only embezzled the money because she needed it. And  
the reward she got for turning me in... that helped her as well..."
In one corner a Dementor sniggers....

"It certainly pays to be honest," observed Madam, "and besides, he's  
a drip."

The Ministry. A few score of bedraggled figures, one wearing a  
placard "Will werk fer Mugles", besiege the Office for the Re- 
location of Liberated House-Elves. The door opens, "Vacancy for one  
-" is cut short as a deluge of diminutive bodies overwhelm him....

At St Mungo's, Healers confer.
"Frankly, I've never seen a curse like it. Have you?"
"Oddly enough, yes. Every quarter-of-an-hour she also gets a  
compulsion to apparate to Westminster and bash her head against Big  
Ben. What's this one called again?"
"Umbridge. Worked at the Ministry. Who's the other one?"
"We're not sure, but her face rang a bell..." He grinned. "There  
certainly appear to be striking similarities..."

Sirius sighed.
"Hermione, don't you see that it's wrong? Don't you are what people  
think about you?"

"You're a fine one to talk! And no, why should I worry? - I've got a  
good agent."

"Agent?"

"Yeah. Had to really, what with the films and such."

"Films? What films?"

"The ones about Harry and Voldemort and all that. Since your time, I  
expect."

"Am I in it?"

"Sure - you, me, Hogwarts.... Snape...."

"What!? That evil cadaverous scumbag? At least the Muggles will see  
what he's really like."

"This is where a really good agent comes in. Pity you haven't got  
one; too  late now. As it is, you look like a loony and Snape  
looks ... sexy."

There was a diminishing scream of anguish as the vapour sank back  
into the surface of the Pensieve.

Hermione smiled to herself, "Right, that's my good deed for the day.  
I  wonder who's next?"