Bullying

[jenny_ravenclaw]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at y..., Jennifer Boggess Ramon <boggles at e...> 
wrote:
 
> How odd.  Why would one *want* to be friends with a bully?  Did they 
> gang up on other kids together?  :(>

Is that supposed to be funny?  Neither my boyfriend nor his brother 
are now or ever were bullies.  That comment was pretty inappropriate.
 
> Perhaps there's a difference between New York and Texas going on 
> here, but in almost every case I know of personally, fighting back 
> merely caused the bully to escalate their tactics - bringing more 
> people next time, going from fists to knives, changing from physical 
> to social bullying, and so on.  It will also earn the victim an 
> automatic three-day suspension in the Texas school system, which is 
> likely to cause problems in its own right.>

Maybe things are different here in NYC.  All I know is that my 
students have told me countless stories of how they learned to fight.  
They truly believe it solves problems.  Unfortunately, it often does. 
Growing up in the tough neighborhoods where they live, kids must learn 
how to physically defend themselves, or they will always be targets.  
It is interesting to me that you keep referring to schools, because 
for my students, bullying can take place anywhere: on their block, the 
corner where everyone hangs out, the local playground, the pools in 
the summer, and school.  

My school is also unusual in that students who fight are expelled on 
the spot.  Many other schools in the city claim that students who 
fight will get supsended, but it doesn't always happen, so kids can 
get away with quite a lot.      
 
> Solutions I have seen work include peer mediation (early in the 
> process)>

I agree with you there.  Communication is not big with my students.  
Most of them would rather use their fists or, when in class, talk 
louder so they can be heard.  I think mediation, conflict resolution 
and anger management should be a part of all school curricula (is that 
the plural?) from elementary school on.  

I think one of the biggest problems with bullying is that the bullies 
simply get away with it.  I've heard too many stories of teachers who 
turn their heads the other way and parents who say "my child would 
never do that!".  I had a student in a previous school who was a 
member of the Bloods and his mother denied it vehemently until he 
finally admitted it to her - after he had written his tag all over the 
walls of the school.  

Kids who are bullied are often afraid to tell their own parents 
because they think their parents will not do anything or will make the 
situation even worse.  Then we've all heard the parents, teachers or 
administrators who say the infuriating "boys will be boys/kids will be 
kids".

One last story: my boyfriend was also a constant target for bullies 
when he was a kid and he remembers being teased mercilessly.  A few 
years ago he saw someone in a club who had been one of the ringleaders 
of the bullies when they were both in school.  Now Raul is much 
bigger, stronger, faster (and better looking) than he was in school.  
Raul approached the other guy and when he realized who Raul was, he 
was terrified, as Raul was so much bigger.  Raul was nice and shook 
his hand, but boy, did he feel good!

--jenny from ravenclaw ***********