Gifted Children - Tabouli thread - admittedly my issues

[catlady_de_los_angeles]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at y..., "Tabouli" <tabouli at u...> wrote:

> the child is being taught that intellectual superiority is his or
> her defining feature.  That it's everything.  Their role is 
> intellectual achievement, and if they don't get it, they are a 
> failure as a person. 

Better than having one's model-type looks as one's only value: 
the looks fade younger than the intelligence does. 

Seriously: A friend told me an anecdote about some cousin of hers who 
was so amazingly good-looking, at age 16, that when they wanted to be 
jumped to the head of the queue or other special service, they would 
tell her to lean out the car window (thus luring the (male)
attendents to try to please her), and this cousin had decided that 
she would commit suicide on her 21th birthday because she couldn't 
stand to get 'old and ugly' and no longer get such special attention.

Self-pityingly: I remain convinced that the low self-esteem was 
caused in the very early grades, not in the mid-teens or adulthood, 
and was caused by being universally hated, reviled, and criticised 
by the people from regular school and neighborhood, not by criticism 
of one's adult life-style. 

> My thoughts (for what they're worth without extensive research into
> the area!) are that gifted children should be encouraged to 
> *diversify*.  Given the opportunity to find roles other than 
> "intellectually gifted" to play, preferably outside school, so that
> their self-esteem can be spread a little more widely.  Acting.  
> Dancing.  Drawing.  Sport.  Whatever.  Something that they and 
> other people can define them by which isn't related to their high
> IQ.  

IE forced by parents to do things that one is no good at (and often 
not interested in), so that one can fail over and over, and be 
terribly frustrated, and be mocked and taunted, and then go home to 
parents ranting about you not trying hard enough. (This applies to 
looking good and being popular as well as the things you listed.)

Don't all parents, not just those of gifted children, demand that 
their children accomplish Great Things that the parents can brag 
about, due (I believe) to the parents not having any accomplishments 
of their own to brag about. Okay, 'any' is an exageration, but 'not 
enough' didn't work in that sentence.

I strongly suspect that a lot of people who weren't gifted children 
have self-esteem problems, or otherwise there wouldn't be so many 
self-help books about self-esteem all the time. Surely a great deal 
of it is about looks, but surely another great deal of it is about 
achievements/wealth ... didn't you, Tabouli, recently post some 
speculation about whether the word 'ordinary' being a condemnation 
has something to do with the competition aspect of individualism 
culture?