"You're Just Selfish!" (WAS moved from Main List: on not having children)

[vulgarweed]

Cindy: 
> 
> You know, I'm not sure I can agree.  I would call it a fundamental 
> shift in *values.*  Our hypothetical career woman once valued the 
> monetary rewards and prestige of career, and now she values them 
> less.  I do think values can shift mightily as one matures.

I'm still having a problem here with the idea that "career women" are 
primarily invested in prestige and money. There are plenty of us in 
fields that don't necessarily provide much of either, but we do it 
because *the work fulfills us.* Because even when we're hating it, we 
love it. Because the perfect _fill in the blank_ falls into place, and 
it is really IS "all worth it," as parents are so fond of saying. 
Because we can't imagine ourselves filling our days with anything 
else.

It's possible I may regret my decision not to have children someday 
(and the adoption agencies will still be around even when the last of 
my eggs is gone), but I _know for a fact_ that I would regret it if I 
didn't pursue the passions I do have.

It is not, of course, an either/or choice,meaningful career or 
parenthood. I know plenty of people who have both. I hope I could find 
a way to, if it was important to me. But it just isn't.

Cindy:

> After all, if I absolutely love cheesecake and claim my life has 
> been transformed by eating this cheesecake, I would expect you to 
> take my word for it and have a bite of cheesecake.  So when those 
> who are childless by choice *and* in a financial and social position 
> to have children decline a bite of parenthood, it does come as a 
> surprise to those of us who only wish we could afford *more*, erm,  
> cheesecake.  

This is starting to sound like religious proselytizing. Or political 
campaigning. Or at the very least, Avon salesmanship. :)

The problem with the cheesecake analogy is that one can always _try_ 
the cheesecake to see if one likes it, and send it back if one 
doesn't. (I guess there's always babysitting, but I already know I 
don't like that.)

AV
(who knew from early childhood--strongly disliked baby dolls. Much 
preferred stuffed animals, Star Wars figures and spaces