the whole kid thing

[vulgarweed]

Joywitch spaketh, curmudegonly:


> But is that enough to make me want one of my own?  No, I don't think 
> so.  I just don't have enough personal desire to reproduce for it to 
> make sense.  Is there any societal need?  IMO, the last thing the 
> world needs is more people in it.  However, there is a societal need 
> to take care of the world's many neglected kids, and I've given a 
lot 
> of serious consideration to adopting a kid.  I like the idea of 
> adopting an older kid, to avoid the baby stage, and to rescue some 
> unhappy soul from her cupboard under the stairway.

Thank you! Thank you! Yes!
If it's going to happen for me, later in life, I must admit I'd prefer 
one already housebroken. Have never seen the appeal of babies per se, 
but older kids can be really cool. (Pre-existing Harry Potter fandom 
would of course be a massive plus. :) )
 
> A lot of people I tell that to are really appalled by this. (Most 
are 
> supportive, though.)  Some people just can't imagine raising 
"someone 
> else's child."  

!!!!!!!!!
It doesn't get much more "selfish" than that, IMO.


YOu know, one of the daily newspapers in my city has a little feature 
every few days called "A Family For Me" or something like that. It's 
like "Pet of the Week", only for children. There's a picture and a 
little bit about the child's interests and how much they would love a 
mommy and daddy to take care of them, etc. They're all older children. 
I imagine some of them might have 'special needs' and/or abuse and/or 
abandonment in their pasts and be a handful to raise. Lots of them 
have spent most of their lives as wards of the state. It's friggin' 
heartbreaking. 

Me, I always figured that if genetic/cultural continuity was 
important, I could adopt from the depressed, orphan-ridden South 
American country my mother comes from, or from the depressed, 
orphan-ridden Eastern European country my partner's family comes from. 
No guarantee of getting the "perfect child," for sure, but there's no 
guarantee of that when you "roll your own" either. There are so many 
who need homes, I don't see the point of going crazy trying to make 
more.


They seem to have this idea that child-raising 
> involves possession, and molding this little person in your own 
> image.  IMO, this is a lot of the motivation for a lot of people who 
> have kids, and it's one I don't share.  I don't even think it's 
> healthy.  How many of us resent our parents' continuing efforts to 
> mold our lives?  (I thought so.)  

These are the same people who spazz and make the kid's life a living 
hell when s/he votes the wrong party/converts to another 
religion/comes out of the closet/drops out of college/runs off to join 
the circus/gets a nose piercing/joins the army/you name it, that 
doesn't follow the family party line. People who don't get that their 
child is _a whole other person entirely_. 
 
> That's why I want to adopt an older kid.  I don't want to raise a 
> little duplicate Joybaby, I just want to provide a home to someone 
> who needs it.  (And yes, I know there can be a lot of difficulties 
> with a adopting neglected child, but that's another question 
> altogether.)
> 

Thanks again for saying this!

AV
who is inserting blather here because Yahoomort has been cutting off 
the ends of her posts and is tired of it