Sloppy people and Liars (help!)

[phoenix_suzaku18]

 Fist of all, thank you for the thoughtful responses thus far. 
Secondly, I want to emphasise that I do know this isn't a dire 
situation, and that (yes) it is way OT for HP. Last of all, I want to 
say what a huge relief it was to get those thoughts off of my chest. 
Thanks again (and try to keep it coming; I'll keep you posted.)

Some reponses to Erin, (Kathy K, I'll be sure to respond to yours 
next):

> phoenix_suzaku18:
>  
> > I pick up litter around the house after him and his sister; 
banana 
> > peels, used tissues, cigarette butts (on the floor! we have ash 
> > trays!!), you name it. 
> 
Erin:
> All, right, I can see where this should bother you.  <snip>
>  DON'T throw it in the garbage.  Instead, toss it into 
> thier rooms.  They will get the message.  I don't know what his 
> sister's personality is, but from what you've told me of Shane, he 
> probably won't say anything about it to you, and this will 
alleviate 
> the problem, though not stop it entirely.
   
Me:
  I also have an older sister (25), and she suggested the same thing! 
On occasion, she would do the same thing to us (me and my little sis.)
I had totally forgotten about it. It worked on us, so I'm sure I'll 
try it. Thanks for the reminder! 

Erin:
>  Also, their father has been letting them get 
> away with it for I-don't-know-how-long.  It was their house before 
> you moved in, and I'm sure it seemed strange to them to have 
someone 
> come in and care about how clean it was at first.  Of, course I 
> realize it is also hard on you to have to move into this (from your 
> POV) hellhole garbage dump.

Me:
Well, not quite "hellhole". Although, I know I never would have 
considered myself a neat-freak, before I moved in. I kinda understand 
how their house had been so messy. Tom works 16 hour days (his ex 
doesn't pay child support), and Andrea is involved with dog shows, 
and of course school. But Shane? Oh well, I suppose you can't always 
have a hat-trick. I was going to wait to say this at the end, but I 
admit I've been a little critical. And, I'll hold back on Shane a bit 
too. (*still frustrated*)


> Also, I've caught him lying several times. 
> > Examples: Just 5 days ago my mom had purchased a carton of Tom's 
> > favorite cookies for him, and hid them in our pantry. They had 
yet 
> to be opened. Yesterday, I found the carton w/only 4 cookies (out 
of 
> 33) left next to the computer where he spends each night. I 
regularly 
> > bake cookies- a variety too- and Shane had plenty of food 
options. 
> >snip<
> Shane, "Yeah, I ate like 
> > half a box of cookies."     Me, "What do you mean? there were 
only 
> 4  left?"  denial denial denial GRRRRRRRRRR...etc...
> 
> Erin:
> To anyone experienced in the art of truth-bending, it's pretty 
plain 
> that there *was* no lie here.  Shane did not say "I ate exactly 
>half  the pack of cookies", 
> 
> And another issue:  Why was your mom "hiding" the cookies?  Because 
> they were just for Tom?  Heck, Shane probably saw them three days 
>ago, 
> figured he'd wait to see if they belonged to anyone, waited 4 days, 
> no one ate them, so he figured they were up for grabs.  
 
Me:
Very good point. But nearly all the cookies? They were hidden because 
Shane's been known to eat entire *items* at one go. 1/2 gallon of 
icecream, 3 leftover pork chops, the Jell-o I made early in the day 
and was saving for dinner. I guess you could say that it was *bound* 
to happen, and that I should've expected no less. But it was the last 
straw in my mind. But I just wish that Shane could understand that 
there are 6 people living here, and the food is purchased for all 6. 
Would leaving one serving of icecream left be too much to ask? I wish 
I had more patience, and he more consideration. Should I leave notes 
on everything? My mom was raised in a family w/12 kids, and I think 
it peeves her even more.

Erin:   
>big snip<  If one of us was stupid 
> enough to own up, that one would be subjected to a 30 minute 
>lecture, 
> and a week's worth of punishment chores.  >snip again<

Me: That reminds me of my dad too. Only if we owned up to it the 
lecture was much shorter. Maybe that made all the difference.

>  Needless to say, this atmosphere was not conductive 
>to truth-telling.
 
Me:
Understandable. But did that truth-avoidence follow you into 
adulthood? Or in scenarios of trivial importance. 
I guess with the cookie thing, I just wanted him to say, "Oh, sorry, 
I did get a bit carried away." And if I was really lucky, "I should 
probably get more for my dad, since I know they were his favorite." 
But I didn't hold my breath for it.

Erin:
> If you and your family want Shane not to lie to you, you have to 
not 
> be confrontational, but not give him the opportunity to lie, 
either.   
>snip<                                                             
> > Does anyone have any advice?
>   
> Just this:  Distance yourself.  You are getting too drawn in to 
these 
> problems.  

Me: Great advice.

Erin:
> How did Shane used to get to work before you drove him?   

Me: He didn't have a job before we moved in. And where we live he has 
to have a permit 6 months before a test. He's had it for 2 months.

Erin:
> As for the hygiene thing... you know, its starting to sound to me 
> like he has a lot of the symptoms of depression.  Has he ever been 
> screened?  Is he on any meds?

Me: As far as I know, he's fine. But depression did cross my mind 
too. I'll have to mention it to his dad.

Thanks again,
Phoenix