What's Love Got To Do With It?

[dradamsapple]

--- In HPFGU-OTChatter at yahoogroups.com, eloiseherisson at a... wrote:
>Cindy wrote: 
> 
 But I'm wondering what everyone else thinks about
> >that -- what does love have to do with it? And what else is 
involved?
>

Eloise wrote:
> Persistence? Forbearance?...;-)
> 
> Seriously, I don't think a good or long-lasting marriage *does* 
need love of 
> the dramatic kind (note the qualification).
> ". . . I seriously do think that persistence in the face of 
difficulties and 
> forbearance of one's partner's more irritating traits are 
significant. It needs 
> commitment, a belief in the relationship, awareness of how much 
one's partner 
> is commited and gives.

>snip< 

 I know that in many ways I'm not his ideal. And I guess that's the 
> biggest reason I love him. The fact that this other person loves 
me, has decided 
> to share his life and his income >snip<
 with me, no matter how stressy I get, the fact that no matter 
> how much I may grouch that he doesn't understand me (well, he *is* 
a man) he 
> is ultimately there for me, 


> >snip<
>
 It's a small miracle and out of 
> that, love grows, a love perhaps more meaningful than the fireworks 
of "being in 
> love". It is sometimes a case of *deciding* to be committed to a 
> relationship; there has to be something there when the feel-good 
factor fails.
> 
> ~Eloise
> Off to appreciate her husband some more ;-)


Now Anna . . .

Eloise!
That was beautiful!
I could not (and will not!) say it any better myself!

DH and I will be married for 15 years next May.  FIFTEEN YEARS!!
It's hard to believe that we have been together for this long, and 
only really knew each other 2 1/2 years before we married.

For me, I was two weeks shy of turning 29 when we got married, and DH 
was already 30.  Perhaps that is what has been our advantage; in that 
because we were a bit older than a lot of my freinds, we didn't have 
any pre-conceived ideas that our marriage was going to be a fairy 
tale.   I saw that with a lot of my friends and family as they got 
married in their early 20's.  Their expectations was that of 'forever-
wedded-bliss', and boy were they surprised when real life came along.
Unfortunatley, many of them were divorced by the time I was married.
I know that that had a profound affect on me, and probably kept me 
single for as long as I was.  But as I can look back, I know it was 
to my advantage.  

Don't get me wrong; that's not to say that we weren't gaga over each 
other! (we probably spent more time together then than we do now). 
But we didn't come into the relationship with pre-concieved ideas.  
We learned very quickly after returning from our honeymoon that 
things don't always turn out the way you plan (1. new house had a 
leaky roof: $7.000 later . . . the roof was repaired, but our wallets 
were EMPTY!  2. after 5 months of marriage, I got pregnant, got sick 
and had to drastically reduce my hours, hence, even less money coming 
in!) Life has a funny way of "ruining" your plans. 
   

Eloise, I agree with you totally that making the commitment to make 
the marriage work is perhaps the most important factor. Of course, 
attraction and love has to be there as well, but, as you said, the 
fireworks will end eventually, and there has to be something there to 
make you want to stay long past the the smoke has cleared. We have 
our disagreements, but there's no name calling, or blaming (well, I 
try really hard not to!)  We respect each other's ideas, feelings, 
opinions, upbringing, religion, even if we don't agree, and I think 
that is the glue that keeps us together. Yes, I get frustrated and 
act really stupid sometimes, and he does too.  But we still  manage 
to laugh about things later.  Humor is probably one of the biggest 
attractions for me.  He can always make me laugh, even when I don't 
want to (!because I'm angry and I want to get my own way!), and I 
love that about him.  That he can make me laugh at myself is probably 
one the best things about him.

Oy! I can't think anymore!  Didn't mean for this to be this long and 
ranting . . . must go to bed!

Anna  . . . who is probably sleeping in the six year olds' bed tonite 
as he love to sleep in mommy's place when mommy works late . . .
> 
> 
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