"You're Just Selfish!"

[Cindy C.]

Eileen reported:

>And what's worse she admits that
> he's immature and is putting up with it in the hope he'll ask her 
>to marry him and they'll have sproglets.


Oh, dear.  Another confirmed case of "IGottaGetMeAMan,AnyManWillDo" 
syndrome.  A dangerous affliction that is exacerbated by exposure to 
bridal magazines.  :-D  Treatment includes full immersion therapy, 
i.e. looking at the back of his head while he plays Nintendo.

> You see, I cling to the rather old-fashioned view that we should
> contribute to the world, not take from it. How we do that can be 
>very different, but many of the DINKs, I know, pleasant though they 
>may be, are drains, plain and simple. 

Interesting observation.  

I myself was a DINK ("Dual Income, No Kids") for a while, and I 
think I might well have been one of the DINKs to which Eileen is 
referring.  Frankly, having kids helped get us out of a boring rut 
where everything we did centered around work.  (I know, you're not 
supposed to admit that, but it is true.)  

I guess my own view is that everyone should be *about* something.  
You can be *about* raising kids.  Or volunteer work.  Or any number 
of things.  Otherwise, what on earth will they say about you at your 
funeral?  "The dearly departed was a wonderful person who, er . . . 
well, she thought about, um . . . she was a bit of a loner, to be 
honest."  :-D


> Of course, people with kids are similarly purposeless, pushing them
> off on nannies, making them into ego-enhancing project children,  
>etc.

Heh.

Well, the ego-enhancing project children thing doesn't work very 
well, IMHO.  I figured that my kids would be just like me -- only 
*better!*  I'd mold them this way and that, and they'd be . . . I 
dunno . . . *important!*

The problem, however, is that the kid is whoever they are, and you 
can't do a darn thing about it.  How can *I* have a kid who is shy 
and doesn't like to read?  What's up with *that!?*  Resistance is 
futile.

I think almost all parents figure this out, either quickly (because 
Junior won't take piano lessons although previous generations always 
have) or Junior gets to be 180 pounds and can't be made to do 
anything anymore.


>I am firmly of the belief that you cannot
> have a five month old baby and be fighting a war in Iraq. That is
> child abuse, in my humble opinion. I can see why women would want 
>both things, but I think they have a duty to choose. And to try to 
>have both is selfishness at its height. 

Mmmm, I'm not so sure about this.  I agree that it's not good for 
any child to have an absentee parent (assuming you're talking about 
situations where both of the child's parents are in Iraq.)  

But let's face it -- parents have willing separated from their 
children since -- well, forever, really.  My neighbor's live-in help 
is a woman from Zimbabwe who is sending money home to support her 
kids.  At least she had a choice in the matter, whereas soldiers who 
happen to be parents are called up and That's That.  It won't kill a 
kid to be raised by a family member for a year, IMHO.

Cindy -- IGottaGetMeAMan,AnyManWillDo Survivor