[HPforGrownups] Re: more fanfic cliches

[Firebolt]

No: HPFGUIDX 726

Guess what! I can add more to the list!!!! Well, that's not too surprising - I am almost 100% positive that I've read more fanfiction than everyone else on this entire list, and then some. Luckily, within the past few months I've come to my senses. Anyway, at the bottom are some more cliches - some of them haven't been used in months, actually...

- Ginny confesses her love for Harry/Draco/Neville in her diary
- Harry dates Cho, who cheats on him, leading him to find true love 
in Hermione or Ginny, depending on the author's ship
- Ron, Hermione, and shooting stars (that one I don't get, but it's 
really common!)
- Harry Potter and Survivor (this has been done WAY too often--oh 
wait, once would have been way too often!)
- Snape dances to Britney Spears (also way too common--shudder)
- Snape and McGonagall fall in love
- Harry has a secret twin, also still alive
- Lavendar gives Hermione a makeover
- Hermione goes to another school dance and finds true love
==========
- A new girl (usually from America) plays matchmaker, and whoever 
isn't with Hermione ends up with her
- Hermione undergoes a complete personality change... I've seen her 
written as everything from CA valley girl airhead to school slut
- Harry undergoes a complete personality change, transforming from 
bumbling adolescent to Don Juan
- Plot? What plot? (about 70% of the content of FFnet)
- *Badly* done stream of consciousness interspersed with bubble gum 
pop lyrics (Hermione identifies with Christina 
Aguilera's "Reflections" and Harry identifies with Britney 
Spears' "Lucky")
- Sirius' long-lost love child becomes an acquaintance of the Three
- Hermione is actually friends with Lavendar or Parvati
- None of the major plot elements are even *mentioned*... nothing of 
the upcoming war
- Major plot elements are horribly bungled, ending with a *horribly* 
written fight sequence... several of these have had me on the floor 
screaming with laughter
- Hermione commits suicide when Harry or Ron tells her they just want 
to be friends
- Hermione sacrifices her life for Harry, Lily-fashion
- Harry goes to live with Sirius, whose name has been cleared
- Harry (or Harry and Ron) goes to visit Hermione over the summer and 
sparks fly
- Hermione saves Harry from the Dark Side after he has joined forces 
with Voldemort
- Harry and Ron/Gred and Forge/other co-conspirator rescue Hermione 
from marrying someone else or being kidnapped by Voldemort
- HP characters visit fanfic writers at home and clarify their 
positions on recurring fanfic plot lines
_____________

Okay, here are a few more.  I've seen just about all of the above 
many times, and am realising exactly why I only write MWPP fanfic.  

-Snape was in love with Lily at school, and the remnants of this love 
provoke him to behave in a uncharacteristically sweet and human way 
instead of being a pain in the neck.  
-Snape lost the person he loved (not necessarily Lily) and therefore 
becomes nasty and twisted.  
-Draco is secretly in love with Hermione, and this forces him to stop 
supporting Voldemort/kill himself/save her life.
-almost any story which ends in a character suicide.    
-a transfer/exchange student (usually female) arrives from America 
and charms everybody with her natural brilliance ... aka Mary Sue.  
-Dumbledore/Voldemort is actually Harry's grandfather.
-James and/or Lily appear to Harry in a dream with helpful advice.    
***
-Snape has falls in love with the new, female, DADA teacher. Naturally, he runs into problems when said DADA teacher turns out to be Voldemort/a Death Eater in disguise.
-Harry has a long-lost relative, who, because they a) are distant explorers who've been lost for the past decade and a half, b) have been too busy chasing down Death Eaters in revenge, or c) didn't know he existed because they were having family problems with James (or sometimes Lily) and so stayed out of contact, haven't showed up until now.
-Above-mentioned relative is Snape. (Okay, this one isn't so common, but still.)
-Lily and/or James is still alive.
-Harry has a twin sister, usually named Rose. Rose also has a lightning scar.
-Harry vanishes/is kidnapped one fine morning. Years later, Hermione finds out that Harry is now Voldie's little stooge, and convinces him to abandon the Dark Side of the F--- er, Dark Magic.
-Four travelers wander into Platform 9 3/4 on Sept. 1st. Their names are Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu.
-Harry becomes an Animagus.
-Harry marries Hermione, and they have a girl. Ron marries Lavender, and they have a boy. Boy and Girl fall in love.
Variations: Harry marries Ginny, Ron marries Hermione. Or, Harry marries Cho, but it doesn't work out and he leaves her.
-Some new student comes into the story, and turns out to be nearly as important in the quest to stop Voldemort as Harry is.
-Harry has two kids, twins, named James and Lily.
-Cho is a...mean person/slut. 
-Lavender/Parvati is a slut, and is now into wearing Muggle clothing, in school and out. Teenybopper Muggle clothing. And she listens to Britney Spears, too...
-Lily spends a lot of time as a spirit watching Harry sleep.
-McGonagall and Snape had unhappy childhoods.
-Draco gets forced into being Voldemort's heir.
-Ron decides he's gay, gets various parts of his body pierced, and has a boyfriend named Nicky. Often in these same stories, Harry 'can't get any', and Hermione is on drugs/has a lot of unsafe sex/has an affair with Dumbledore. (No comment.)
-Hogwarts goes online.
-Voldemort is really a nice guy...
-Fred/George dies, tearjerker ensues. (I was one of the first ones who did this! It wasn't a cliche back then! So there!)
-Harry becomes a recluse from society, and everyone forgets him (except Hermione).
-Dumbledore and McGonagall have an affair, despite Dumbledore's almost certainly being old enough to be McGonagall's father.
-Lily's parents were actually Squibs.
-Mrs. Norris used to be human.

Okay, now we're beginning to get into almost-but-not-quite cliches, so I think I can stop now.

~Firebolt



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]