Nail Out All Those Letters (filk)

[Caius Marcius]

No: HPFGUIDX 20584

Nail Out All Those Letters (from SS/PS, Chap. 3)

(To the tune of I'm Gonna Sit Right Down And Write Myself A Letter)

Dedicated to Chris Dosset

THE SCENE: 4 Privet Drive. Enter VERNON DURSELY, with a toolbox.

VERNON
I'm gonna get right down and nail out all those letters
They're make-believe, tell my nephew.
To stop messages from owls
I'll use fair means or use foul
I won't be havin' that boy wishin'
He was a magician

I'm gonna sleep (I hope) all night behind my doorway
To seize each missive that comes through 
Because it's going to be an awfully poor day
If Harry joins that wizard crew

I'm gonna drive all night and then I'll rent a rowboat
And hide out on an island grim
And I will not allow Harry the chance to cast a "no" vote
I'll be making it a rule
He won't go to that Hog school
I am only doing this for him! 

   - CMC